They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.

Let me begin with a note of warning. This is an Adri thought. And I don't share Adri thoughts with people. I'll write them down and forget about it. But last week when I went to lunch with Terance, he read my Adri thought. And that cabbageheaded nincompoop emailed it to himself. I know he did it so that he could tell his dad about my dream, but then he told me that I needed to put this note on my blog. I firmly disagreed, but he said if I didn't post it he would. (I reallyyy need to change my password, but even then he knows me so well that he knows I would just change it to ihateterance...) Anyways, so I decided that I would rather not have him hack into my blog and post it for me. I'm a big girl so I'll do it by myself. What's pathetic is, if there were three certain people in this world that didn't read my blog, I would have posted this no problem. But I wasn't going to because I don't want them to know how affected (effected?) I am by this whole shenanigan. I'm partially thinking about putting my blog on private settings. I know I never will though because so many of my viewers don't have an account. Basically this whole paragraph was just to delay everyone from reading this. My Adri thought. Because it's pretty personal. And also, just btdub, take in mind that this was written overrrr a week ago.
I HELLA hate you terance.

My favorite movie as a little kid was always Winnie the poo. And as I grew older it was fox and the hound. Both of them are strongly based on friendship. Because that's always what I've believed in. Especially after sophomore year. When I had the best friends that I've ever had. Me and my mom even talked about how Dixon and drake have been the most loyal friends that I've ever had. They always take my side even when I'm wrong. They always back me up. And they're always there. In so many ways I could be part of an amazing couple with either of them. Isn't it funny how god puts all these people that we could be so happy with. But there's one thing that stops you from being with them. Like me and drake. We could be so good together with our similar taste in humor and our shared views on romance. But we have too much of a brother sister bond to ever be together. And me and Dixon. We could be so happy together. And we've always had that attraction for eachother. We've always kind of liked eachother. But we could never do that to terance. Because we love him to much to do that to him. We're loyal enough to know that you don't date best friends exes. I don't want to be the friend that makes terance cry at night so that I can be happy. That isn't fair to make someone so miserable for my own benefit. Me and Dixon will always talk about dating. But we both know in our hearts that we care about terance too much to do that. I know we make fun of him a lot, but it's because we have such a deep love for him. So maybe it's funny how there are people that could be for us but shouldn't be, but what I have to do is trust that there will be someone out there for someone like me. Someone that's so compatible that it's ridiculous. Someone that feels 100% right and makes me happier than I've ever felt before. I'll keep trusting.
I'm not normally one to talk about dreams. But this one felt so real and vivid that I woke up in tears. I had been diagnosed with cancer. And Eric and robin had come to see me. They thought it would make me happy to see them so happy. But it didn't. Because I saw myself lonely and alone because of them. I knew that going through chemotherapy, I wouldn't have anyone there to hold my hand and tell me that I was still beautiful. Seeing them made me see that they made me be completely alone through the hardest part of my life. For their own benefit. I knew that in my future would be baldness, endless hours of vomiting, scarring, and losing any guy that I had just started dating. While they would have hours of kissing and pure bliss with life. I didn't want to wish them the worst. But I felt like I always had the short end of the stick. Always.  I hate dreaming anymore. I hate that my whole life I've occasionally had dreams of cancer. I hate dreaming of my beautiful suicide. And I especially hate dreaming of robin and Eric. Where they tell me I should be happy for their happiness. Well I'm not ok? I'm still a little heartbroken from your lies and betrayals.
I miss my dreams of romance, clouds, pink, and glitter. I feel so happy during the day. And I usually do at night too. But not always. They say that your thoughts and dreams at night are what you truly feel. Looks like more bubble baths and coloring books are in order.

This is the first blog allll week where I won't quote eminem in some form. And just to follow up on my Adri thought. This week my dreams have started to get glittery again. And I'm trying so hard not to care. Eventually I do want to be happy that they're happy.
p.s. when I'm in the shower... I'm the best dancer EVER!