But I ain't giving up faith, you ain't giving up on me.

Today has absolutely broken my heart. I know it sounds crazy, but just the overall overallness of the day has crushed me. Jay came to class crying, and it personally hurt me. Listening to her talk and watching her shake with tears made me start to cry. Because I've gotten to know and love this girl with so much of my heart that seeing her with all this pain in her life is causing me pain. I listen to her talk about how awful Dalton treats her and I still see her care so much. And it hurts to see that. Because I could see a part of me in her. I saw myself a couple months ago texting Eric a million times in a row, calling him constantly and him just saying 'meh.' I was such a dumbass for staying for so fucking long and for caring so much. I know what Jay is feeling. People look at her and wonder why she stays, but I know why. It's because she believes in love so much and she trusts in him with her whole existence. It's hard to let go when you feel so powerfully about something. But honestly, looking back, I wish I would have left him a lot sooner. And I don't want her to have that regret. I know that she needs to give him the ultimatum that he either treats her like she deserves to be treated, or she leaves him. Because right now he knows that she won't leave him so he's walking all over her and treating her terribly. He doesn't understand that he has this gorgeous amazing girl that's out of his league, and that he's treating her in a way that will just drive her away. It isn't RIGHT. And it isn't fair that love can blind us so much and that we can lose so much of ourselves in the fight to keep someone. I wish humans could be more independent creatures. Not the weak people that we are that need to be loved and need that feel of affection. I wish we only needed ourselves and no one else. This year all I've seen is people around me having their hearts broken and shattered. It makes me start to wonder why we even try. Is love really worth losing so much over? Is the heartbreak honestly worth it? It's easy to lose faith in love when all around, you just see it failing. But life isn't what's about what is easy. It's about fighting and pushing through it. Weathering the storms. Anything that is worth anything is something that you have to fight for. The best things in life aren't free. They don't cost money. But love, friendship, and self esteem all do come with a cost. Keep pushing through. I'm kind of a negative Nellie about this sort of stuff. I'm a debbie downer when it comes to humanity. I've lost so much of my faith in humanity this year. As I have so much taken from me. In cosmetology I had more money stolen from me. Combined with what was stolen before, I've lost almost a hundred dollars. It makes me sick that they feel the need to have to go in my locker, through my purse, and into my wallet to get money. I've never felt more violated in my life. If they really needed, and I mean needed, not wanted, the money, they could have asked and I would have helped them out. They didn't have to take it, I would have helped them willingly. I've had my jacket stolen along with other various items of clothes. I had my boyfriend stolen. I have been stolen from and taken advantage of so much this year that it makes me sick to look back on. How can people be so selfish that they'll just take like that? How can they not think of the other people that they are hurting? Why is self gain the only important factor to people anymore? Everyone is fighting their own battle, everyone has hurt in their life, and everyone has at least one secret that would break your heart. So why can't we take that into consideration? What happened to all the stuff we were taught in kindergarten? The stuff about sharing and asking before taking, the stuff about considering other peoples feelings. And what about the golden rule? Treat other people how YOU want to be treated. Why can't we all just go back to our childlike selves and treat everyone as best as we can. To be honest, age corrupts innocence. As we grow up, we just become worse people. It makes me never want to grow up. It makes me almost dread having a child in this world. A child that will be so perfect and beautiful and innocent in this world of corruption. Watching my child grow and become less innocent and more of the world. I don't want my son or daughter or any more children in this world to become like my peers. Because the world doesn't need more people like what it already has. What the world needs is a saving grace. It needs people that are good and honest and care more about other people than themselves. Honestly, the world just needs more flowers than weeds.

I owe my life to you. but for the life of me, I don't see why you don't see like I do.