What do I think of success, it sucks, too much stress.

So, cool story, I went to Harmons and I saw JUSTIN BANKS! I just about died!!! :) :) :) I was so so so SO happy! :) I haven't seen him in year! It was so awesome to see him! He kept telling me how cute and pretty and thin I am :) That boy makes me feel like a million bucks! ;) ha, I remember when I used to go to abercrombie with him just about every day. We thought we were so cool. We were so cool. I love him <33
Cool story bro, tell it again.

Don't try to deny it, baby, I'm the only one for you.

Today has been mucho gusto :) mucho mucho gusto! :) In cosmetology today we had like a mini graduation and we got our cords. I almost cried when Cyndi was giving her speech. I will never ever forget her or Julie, they have done so much for me and I am extremely grateful for both of them. 'Don't forget your umbrella, it might rain.' I love you too. Saying goodbye to everyone was so hard. Especially to jess and Megan. They've become my best friends this year, a crying shoulder, and people I can completely trust. I love them so much, and through everything this year, they are two of the biggest things that I'm grateful for. We took a ton of pictures with Destiny. I love her so much. She gives me confidence :)
Me and Mitchell skipped school and went to lunch :) 'I don't even like cats, but I'm going to have them just for the affect' ;) I love that I can talk with him about absolutely everything. I blame Dylan for absolutely everything, but I'm really glad that it all happened in the end. He forced us to grow into something better. Mitchell is honestly the only person that I'll care to stay in contact with to be completely honest. He's the only person at Taylorsville that I truly need.
I gave Nik a note today thanking him for everything that he's done. I just really feel that he needed to know that I'm grateful that I met him. And not just because he's hott, but because he's a pretty decent guy.
INTERVIEW :)) I felt that I did pretty good. I HOPE that I did good! It was a group interview and there were five other girls. I hope that I stood out to them! My favorite worker and the manager were the interviewers and they made me feel really good and comfortable. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE let me get this job!!!! :) I felt good about it, because Ke$ha played on the way there ;)

Let it rain let it pour. Through it all, I just love you more.

The things that invade my news feed..... :|

I am THIS close to unfriending taylor and his girlfriend on facebook!
because he's all 'I love you babe'
and she's all 'I love you more need you miss you kisses love love love'
then their kissey pictures and love quotes!
then I'm all like FOREVER ALONE ;)
Bahaha, but seriously, their statuses are buggin. JUST TEXT THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM!!!! There is no need to announce this on EVERY SINGLE facebook status!!!!

Everything could have been perfect, but life ain't a fairy tale.

You may notice the lack of blog post(s) yesterday... honestly, the reason I did not blog is because I was too busy reading that stupid book that Nate made me read. 'How did he make you read it, Adri.' He told me I was pretty to convince me to go buy it. So I did ;) 'what is this amazing book that he made you read and you could not put down, Adri' ....hunger games... So what? I stayed up wayy too late to finish reading it? So what? Maybe I got a little into it. THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT NATE HAS AMAZING TASTE IN BOOKS OR ANYTHING!!!!! ;)
So, that was my day yesterday. Talking to Nate and reading that silly book. I finished it though, and now I'm pissed because book stores aren't open and I need the sequel NOW.
'Yeah, I'll stay up with you Adri, because I'm obligated to stay up with you while you read the book that I forced you to read' He fell asleep at MIDNIGHT. :| Stupid boy ;)
Job interview tomorrow!!! I am SO freaking nervous in that super excited way! :)))) I hope I get it!!!! :) :) :) I KNOW I would do it so amazing! I was BORN to work there!

That awkward moment when a fictional character dies and your life doesn't make sense anymore ;)

Happily happy just being happy.

'I've decided that I want you to write me on my mission' ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!! YES! It's kind of sad how much I like this boy... And it's not in the usual way. Like I just want to laugh and have fun with him as opposed to how I only want to makeout with [name omitted] I want to blow bubbles and tell secrets and kiss him on the cheek. I want to hug him and run around barefoot in a field. I want to have that innocent childish love that we talked about. I want to have that THING with him! The old couple that feeds the birds, they have IT. And I want to have it with him. I can't believe I'm saying any of this! Oh my gosh, it just keeps spilling out. I NEVER think this about people... especially not about guys, and I shouldn't about him, but I am :| ohhh god I need to stop...
Remember how I was having so much doubt about love not existing? How come this boy is making me believe again? Why is he giving me this huge leap of hope and faith?!
He makes me believe that love exists.

As I lay sleepless, knowing that my heart still belongs to you.

Last night me and my mom had a hair party with her friend Bonnie and I forgot about what a hoot that woman is :) so that was fun :) then I went 'hot tubbing' with Colton.... when we went to go get in THERE WAS NO WATER :| so instead we all started to watch a movie :) And somehow Jordan made me call him daddy... 'You and Desi should make out... that would be hot!' ...NO.
Then this morning I awake and find that my phone has a text from the most gorgeous boy alive! (besides eminem... well, actually lets be honest, not the most gorgeous boy, but hella gorgeous nonetheless) He texted me at like one in the morning 'Come over!' I had just BARELY fallen asleep!!!! Gah! I wanna punch myself, because if I would have been awake... well, I wouldn't have gone, but I would have deeply considered it and texted him very flirtatiously ;) So I was telling my mom about it in the grocery store and I got a little carried away, 'I JUST WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM!!!!' people heard. people laughed. And I still ached to kiss him. My mom was like 'I just want to know why he texted you at one in the morning?!' Probably because he was thinking to his lonely self 'I'm beautiful... ADRI'S BEAUTIFUL! I should text her so we can party and hot tub together (or something to that affect)' Whyyyy do all the good ones have girlfriends already?!
So yesterday I was thinking about terance letting me drive his car (nicest car EVER!) and i shoved my purse into his lap, then when we got out. 'Hold my purse for me. bitch.' And he did :) he held it like a girl ;)
Gonna go shopping :))) I need something special for my Victoria's secret interview :) I pray to god that I get it! I want it so so SO much! If I don't, I can always apply at the one at south towne and gateway and anywhere else until I finally get to work there! I'll apply at the moon if that's the only Victoria's that will take me!
I'm just happy <333

It's the last dance you'll ever get the chance to do

Today is tres perfection :)))
I decided to finally go out on the job hunt and... I ALREADY HAVE TWO INTERVIEWS SCHEDULED!!!! :) :) :) If I had a dime for every time someone called me adorable I would already be rich! So I go to victoria's secret right? And I'm WAY excited so I ask the cashier for an application and the lady next to her is like I'm actually the manager so I can talk to you about it :) :) :) My mouth basically dropped open because I was not expecting that! But now I have an interview with her on tuesday!!! :) :) :) OHMYGOD!!!! I am SO excited! And I got an application from icing and the lady was like bring it back today because I like you, so when I took it back, she was talking to someone else and was like 'This is the girl I was talking about! Isn't she adorable!' She was the assistant manager and she already likes me :) :) :) So I have an interview with her on thursday!! :))) I AM SO EXCITED!!!! On the first day and the only two applications I fill out and I get an interview with both of them! GOD LOVES ME! I knew it would be good when Ke$ha was on the radio! And then when Eminem was on! :)))) :))) :))) I hope I do ok! I would be so incredibly happy to work at either place! :)
After all that excitement (believe me, there was a lot... and I spent all day getting a million applications!) I went and got my graduation nails done :) They are ADORABLE! :) I love them! Pictures later :)
Job hunting so far is going great! Wish me luck! :) I'll continue rounding up applications tomorrow most likely, and doing the boring job of filling them out ;)

Tooooo tired to go out.... neeed sleeeeep....
Wedding was fun :) made new friends ;) Amy looked GORGEOUS! I don't know why I'm so skeptical about their marriage, but I am for some reason... I had so much fun with Johnathon! We went to arctic circle after because he's never been before :) Me and him are gonna be on the hunt to find the best burger ever :) I'm going to miss him when he's on his mission :( maybe I'll write to him :)))
so incredibly dead tired :|

Baby I love you, I never put no one above you.

Pretty much, me and Megan are the best receptionists ever... And when we're famous models, I'm gonna marry Eminem and she's gonna marry lil wayne :) our life plans are pretty solid.. why are we even in hair school?! ;) I love that girl with all my heart <3
We turned in our kits today! I can't believe it's over! Me and Jess were so excited to graduate two days ago, but now I'm just like :| I'm just sad that cosmo is over and that I don't have any more time to get Hek... Looking back I wish I could have changed a few things about my senior year, numero uno being to get Hek... and now that chance is gone forever :| it's so sad :( ohh well. There was a lot of super amazing memories. Like the first day of school :) rolling up with Mitchell feeling so confident about the new year :) I went to wooleys class and then to seminary :) that feels like forever ago! I remember I wore my hair wavy because Eric told me to. Bahaha. Then homecoming, that night was amazing! I had so much fun :) And dressing up like barbie and ken! Senior freeze out! Mitchell and me running through the halls holding hands when I found out that ben was in an accident, I'll never forget Mitchell holding my heels for me. Senior pictures and my first modeling job :) Shopping all day for best friend Toms. Jimmies and going to iceberg after and having a serious conversation. Katie's accident. Piercing my ears again. Road trip with Kercee. Getting my first girlfriend. My surprise birthday party in cosmetology! :) Sweethearts... not really, that kid was a dope. Prom with Zakary :) Cutting Nik's hair :) Ahaha basically everything in english ;) Valentines day! hot tubbing a ton with colton. Baseball game with Kercee. Cosmetology (honestly everything about it:)) ahaha there was just so much fun. So I guess there aren't as many regrets as I thought. It was worth it. And I'm pretty glad it's over. There will be other hott guys that I can kiss. I'll make more friends. Life will still be fabulous :)
I went to my old seminary class today and they were all so cute :) telling me how much they missed me and how something was missing when I was gone. I love them all so much :)) And we did that thing where we write notes to each other and it was fun :) Cameron's gave me the chills. Because he wrote 'you're probably the reason I'm still enrolled in seminary. No, you definitely are.' I had no idea that I did that. They all just made me feel amazing. They were pretty much the most amazing seminary class I ever had. And I gave Thane the note I wrote for him and I told him how I had a seminary crush on him :) I felt that I should. And silly Ryan just wrote him name on the papers! No notes! But that's how I'm always going to remember him, not doing much, just playing on him iPod the whole time ;)
Getting my cord at Gti on tuesday :) wedding with Johnathon tonight :)) hopefully some ruckus with my girls tonight too :)

A marked generation.

Well here I come, havoc on the beat, I wreak it.

Le crazy day :)) met Jess's boyfriend :) that boy knows everything about EVERYTHING. When I asked him about platypuses he told me they have venom in one of their feet... who just knows that?!!! Buzzed magnums head :) Cleaning out kits tomorrow <3 My girlfriend is cheer co captain... yeah I'm pretty proud ;) Pretty much, I'm just a huge fan of Andrew being an encyclopedia ;)
Seminary :) we wrote notes to each other and it was all sweet :) I'm going to go to my old seminary class tomorrow to give Thane a note I wrote for him :) Because I love him so fricken much :)) I MISSED CHARLES TODAY!
Lunch with my baybays :)) Well, kinda... I forced them to take me to the library because my gangster love story was finally in <333 They briefly made fun of me, but I don't care :) tres love for them <3
In english we went to the basketball game for the mentally challenged kids :) it was so freaking adorable! :) and Nikolas wasn't grumpy for once in a lifetime ;) he told me who made my crappy burger yesterday! ;) Me and Taylor were talking and this chick Alicia in our english told Taylor's girlfriend that me and him always flirt with each other and 'makeout' in english... With Taylor??? Sweetheart, you have it all wrong... if there's anyone in english that I flirt and 'Makeout' with it's noooot Taylor if you know what I mean ;) Me and Taylor only sat by each other once and we were talking about colton the whole time! Sheesh ;) Jordan does too look like eminem!!! The not afraid eminem! Not the 'I just stopped doing drugs so I'm kinna chunk eminem! I KNOW I'M RIGHT!!! :) Made some friends with some druggies ;) I'm so sneaky that I stole his hat and it was funny ;)
So spontaneous is tomorrow :( but I'm not gonna go because I'm going to Amy's wedding instead. I think her wedding will be more fun anyways :) Especially with TING :)))))) :))))) :)))))
So I went to the library right, because I just felt like I should, and I saw.... HOT LIBRARY KID!!! :) :) He was like 'So how was the book?' So I told him it was ehhh but not a rereader and then he asked me if I came to the library a lot... Ummmm, baby, I'll go anywhere if you're there a lot.... ;) his name is Darien, but he goes by ryan :) He didn't ask me for my number, but he gave me those eyessss ;) he is tres attractive.... THEN on my way home I was driving behind Hek :) It was a great time to go to the library :)
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt so he wears it everyday <3
It's me and my girlfriends two month (we think) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY baby ;) I have the most gorgeous girlfriend alive <33333
I think you know how fucked up your relationship is, but you don't want me to know even though I do, so you pretend to be happy when you clearly aren't. And what's the point in that, sweetheart? To make me jealous? Because I'm not... Is it worth trying to make me unhappy to actually make you unhappy? Life is too short to waste on shitty relationships <3

Three days ago:

'I really wanna pierce my belly button...'

'Victoria's secret wouldn't like that'

'...Yeah but eminem would... ;)'

Today:

'Eminem > victorias secret model.'

'You would look hott, but don't do it.'

'I won't. Because if I become a famous model, eminem will HAVE to marry me!!! Model+eminem > piercing' 

Thought process is divine chaos.

Damn. How much damage can you do with a pen?

I just got back from swimming with young womens :) that was fun :)) yes... we flirted a lot with a ton of different men... my favorite was tattoo hot tub stud :) his name was Korbin :))) but basically this just consisted of me saying 'yehh boy' to him a lot and he would shy smile :) he was SO cute :) 'YEAH BOY!'
Arctic circle with Eric. It was a good talk and I honestly feel even better than I did before. I'm really glad we talked. Thank you, Eric.
I'm glad that I met Nik. I'm gonna have to tell him how thankful I've been for him this year. 'Dumbass' He makes me bahaha ;)
Please remember how much your actions can affect people. They might be on their tipping point... Reading thirteen reason why really showed that to me. That book was so amazing.
'You know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements' best. pickup. line. EVER.

It must be the ganja...

Dolce&Gabanna give me that Fendi&Prada.

You are just jealous of me because you just can't do what I do so instead of just admitting it you walk around and say all kinds of really mean things about me cuz you're a meanie. But it's only cuz you're just really jealous of me Cuz I'm what you want to be so you just look like an idiot When you say these mean things Cuz it's too easy to see you're really just a big weenie.


Today I got to meet Megan's boyfriend :) :) he's pretty cute :) and they are PERFECTION together :) I usually don't say this about people (especially not about highschool kids) but you can tell that they are in love. Just looking at them look at each other... you can see the love radiating between them. They honestly make me believe in love <3 I am so happy that they found each other. He may not be extremely mucho gusto attractive, but they seem perfect together :)
I shaved ben today... and let me just say this, boy oh boy that was difficult. HIS BEARD WAS LIKE A THICK MOSH OF FOREST!!!! I had to SAW through it with a straight razor!!!! :| AWFUL! I only cut him twice, and even my teacher cut him once... that's how difficult it was.... hopefully I get better at it :| I need to practice for sure :) I'm pleased with myself though :)
Fairly obsessed with eminems body at the moment... his arms are like omg and his chest is like OMFFFFFG! :))))) Watching music videos is a must ;)
bare excited for thursday. Wedding with Johnny boy and night out with thee girls :)) it'll be good :)
Meeting baby papa tomorrow ;)

When we'd walk side by side and my hand would knock against yours, you'd grab it. 'Safety precaution' you'd say <3

Forgive
      To 
Forget

Pictorials or whatev.

I just got the bieber fever so bad ;) Right after taking this I had a hella bad craving for arctic circle, that's been happening a lot lately. Gonna get fat :)) bring it on ;)

Kercee's birthday blanket :)) I LOVE KERCEE :) with my whole heart <33

My girlfriend loves me and I love her :)

The massive sticky note charles made me :) I love how much he calls me barbie :))

Here comes the rain and thunder now.

Ok, POTATO CHIPS!
Two things. One made me extremely irritated. And the other made me cry.
First: tell your bitch little sister to stay out of grown up business. She's in fucking junior high and it's clearly showing by what a child she is. Tell her to get the fuck out of my love life, and the love life of those who like me. Not only is it none of her fucking business, but she has no idea what the hell she's talking about. She's just an immature skank that will soon be into drug use. Now get her the fuck out of my life or I swear to god I'll do something extreme like kill myself. JUST GET A LIFE! God.
Second: I saw Dixon today :) :) :) :) :)))))) he texted me and was like 'what class do you have?' I thought he was asking to see if I would sluff or not, so I told him I have seminary and pretty soon he walked in the door. I basically jumped in his arms. And as soon as I felt his arms around me, I started bawling my eyes out! I missed him so much. He's such a good friend though :) some of the first things out of his mouth, 'Your boobs look good! You look so beautiful! Can I see your dollar sign?!' I tried to show him, but my skirt was high waisted, so it was hard :) then we went to great harvest, as tradition has it, and I forgot how much it sucks being with him. Because girls just stare at him and I just want to scream at them for being so materialistic! When we were sitting there eating our free samples, he asked me about how I've been and I felt so good being with him :) 'Adri, if you were still going out with Eric, I would have tried to convince you to break up with him, because I've wanted you for myself for so long.' Tears once again formed in my eyes. I love him <33 I missed his smell, and his touch, and his words, I missed HIM. I'm so glad he's back :)) He's my besss frenn :)
In cosmetology, we started doing shave finals again, and my girlfriend drew me the cutest picture ever :)) it was about me and my 'bunch of princes' ;) but they were all said because I'm truthfully in love with Megan instead of all of them ;) Nate got in an accident!!! He's ok though :)) thank the lord :)
In seminary (before my baby came) charles colored me a huge sticky note to put in my car :) It's absolutely adorable :) I adore Charles :)
Lunch was <3333333
English :) <3 I love them :) talking to them is bliss :) I'm just happy about the world today :)
Hek always looks sad and it makes me sad :( I want him to be happy :(
Picture post soon :)

Insanity, can it be vanity? Where is the humanity?

My talk < listening to nails on the chalk board.
I did shit.
What I was supposed to say: extremely intelligent lengthy words that are also heartfelt.
What I really said: duuuuuhhhhhh :|
Please never ask me to speak in church again.... I don't know why I get asked so much. It's honestly more than any normal person should. WHY??? All I do is stumble and stutter through my words and tear up a lot :| wooooof. Neveragainneveragainneveragain.

I'm nothing but a mess.

Talking to mike always makes me cry. Not because of what he says, but because I think about what might happen. I so much want to fall in love with him. And I know that sounds weird, but he's such an amazing guy and I've always had a good time when he's involved. But I'm too afraid. Because I feel like either way is a mistake. I don't want to make the same mistake that I did with Kaitlyn, and regret not being a friend because I'm 'too afraid to get attached' but at the same time I am. I don't want to fall in love with him just to have him die. Because we all know that's what's going to happen. I don't know what to do. And I tried to go to you for advice, but you said not now, maybe in a couple of months. I know we'll never be friends again. I just don't know what to do and I thought you could help.
And now I have to go speak at seminary graduation and I'm a wreck. God, please just help me speak for five minutes and do ok...

Le pictures from yesterday :)

I just gotta picture him smiling.

This weekend so far <333
Yesterday was the sunset with seminary council. It was amazing. I am so grateful for all those people, I hated seminary council, but looking back I shouldn't have. It helped me so much. Jesse's pant problems. Birds chirps loading. Nick forbidding me to sing. Calves burning ten seconds in to the hike. Random mountain man named Christian joining in on our testimony meeting. I have grown so much through this calling. And I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to serve god.
This morning I went to the temple with Nick, Kayla, and Jesse. It was nice. Even though I was SUPER tired because I stayed up talking to Nate. It was all worth it though ;) I had a name from 1670. They waited for so long. I can't wait to meet them one day <33 then the seminary closing social. Basically, this just involved me singing justin bieber alot and that 'chang chang chaaang' song :) pizza box towers ;) it was fun :)
library to get books. So there I am. This little blonde white girl in a justin bieber shirt. And I was like 'can you help me find a book?' 'yes of course dear, what is it?' 'Midnight... a gangster love story...' She looks at me skeptically because I'm the toolbag in a JUSTIN BIEBER shirt asking for a gangster love story... :|
"justin bieber < death
Drake < an extremely painful and slow death" I give him a hard time, but I truly love drake...
Tonight was the senior dinner dance and it was amazing :) not because of the food or because of the music, but because I was with my best friend again just partying it up. I love him so much. When we walk together at graduation, I know I'll cry at that moment, because I know it's been just waiting to happen and building up since kindergarten. He's my longest relationship ever and I'm so glad we're back together ;) and I think it's funny how much other people like it too. I seriously get told almost daily how happy someone is that me and Mitchell are friends again because we're the cutest thing ever. People have told me that when they saw us, we made them believe in love and friendship. We'll be friends forever. 'I'm awesome! I'm pretty!' :) I'm so excited to see our video at our ten year reunion :) I think I'll still be proud of that ;) Ilovebrightonandmitchell :))

It wasn't complicated, wasn't premeditated. It wasn't underrated. It was those three words.

Ohhh Ryan :) 

So me and my mom just got back from Megan's :) Mumma went with me so I don't get lost/because my car was in inspections/so I get her opinion :) and it was so funny because right after we left my mom was just like 'She is GORGEOUS! Her pictures don't do her justice!' Honestly they don't. She is the most beautiful girl I know! And the fact that she is so sweet makes her even more stunning :) that girl of mine is a BABE! ;) anyways, I'm borrowing the cutest dress from her :) it's like polka dots up top with a pink ribbon and a black bottom :) it's really form fitting and that's what I like the most :) and she lent me some gorgeous pink heels to wear :) they're a little big, but they'll do :) I am SO thankful that megan let me borrow her dress :) I am so excited to go :) :) :) I want to get a pink flower for my hair :) I think I'm just going to curl it kinda loosely and pin the sides back :) I hope I look pretty :)))) and of course, just sparkle makeup ;)

Can't waste my time on hateful people like you. So keep wishing you were me and I'll keep making you have to.

No love lost, no love found.

How cute is that?! But they look way better in person. WAYY better. Destiny did them for me this morning and I love them SO much :)) She's amazing :) girls got some talent for sure :) gonna go try on Megan's dresses soon :) I hope I look good in one of them :)) Bahaha watch my nails clash with all of them :) ohwell I don't care :) I have the most amazing friends ever :)) 

thank god for cosmetology girls and all my boys :)

He's just such a freakin jock strap ;)

These hats are so stupid looking :| Do I HAVE to wear it??? ;)

I'm waiting for hell like hell shit I'm anxious as hell

The above ^ statement is true! So. True.
I NEED A SHAVE MODEL. Aysap. Please and thank you....
We went over the shave final written exam. Gonna ace this. PRO.
Me and my girls are planning some ruckus for tomorrow night ;) BE PREPARED WORLD. We're girls that know beauty! And I'm gonna borrow one of Megan's dresses for the senior banquet :) it will be amazing :) I'm so excited to go with Mitchell and Brighton :) :) it will be a mucho gusto day :))) 
'You're chip's girl aren't you?' I AM NO ONE'S GIRL. And that's how I like it!!!
Seminary is dull :| but Charles called me out on sluffing last time :) bahaha he's so adorable :) I adore him :))
Cap and gown [x]
In english we finished Freedom Writers :)) it was so good :)) so there we were and I was freezing to death in her constantly cold room, watching this movie, but finally I was like screw this and borrowed Nik's jacket. Thank god for that kid sometimes, I swear. But I ended up crying during the movie. And wiping my tears/mascara ALL over the jacket. SORRY :| Thank you though :) It really bothered me that he looked so sad :( Maybe I'm just shit at reading people, but I felt like something was wrong :/
I'll kick anyone's trash at cod ;)
DIE soccer practice!!!! EVERYONE has soccer practice!!! >:|
Children on facebook... and MOTHERS on facebook. I swear, Tera is more of a child than me!
'Adri, I just want to know if you feel insulted because he left you for someone so below you?' No, I don't. Because I'm more confident than that to be such a child. I know I'm pretty. I used to be like 'oh I'm average' But I know I'm pretty. I know that I get checked out on a regular basis and I know that a fair amount of guys like me. I know that some girls are jealous of me and some want to look like me. Just because he went for her doesn't change the fact that I'm still pretty and that she is too. It doesn't matter who he left me for. He could have left me for blake lively, and I would still be pretty. It's weird, but before this breakup, I was so so SO insecure with myself. I wanted to change this and tweak that. I never liked how I looked. I had a boyfriend (and several other men to be completely honest) that told me that I was beautiful and gorgeous. I had a guy that looked like EMINEM that even wanted on my nuts. But I was still so insecure in myself. I saw all these insignificant flaws that clouded my entire perspective. Then I had him leave me for another girl. Then all the sudden I saw it. I saw ME. I looked in the mirror wondering if he left because I wasn't pretty enough, and when I looked I saw a pretty girl. I saw a girl with no makeup on and without fake hair, and I still found her attractive. (That led me to wondering if my personality was ugly, and maybe sometimes it is. But I think me and him just clashed sometimes) Anyways, I LIKE myself. I have the confidence to not wear makeup, to go out without extensions, to wear sweats, to cry in public, to hit on attractive guys, to strut my shit down the halls like I'm on the runway. I finally just like myself. And it shows. I've had so many people come up to me recently and tell me that since I've started listening to eminem again I've clearly been happier and more confident. I started listening to him after my breakup. I don't think it's eminem that gave me that confidence, it was me finding myself through solidarity. Taking that time to discover what and who I really am. I walk a little taller (with a little more swag, yes, ;) but taller for sure) and I smile at strangers a little bigger. When Dylan walks by me and says 'ew' I'm finally able to let it slide off me, because I know it isn't true. When Dixon pointed out all the shit that Jaimie commented on in some of the pictures that I'm in with Robin, it didn't bother me. It made me laugh because obviously I bother her if she went through all that trouble, and it was crazy to see how defensive Dixon and Mumma trover got for me. I let people's shit slide off me now, just roll off as soon as I hear it. I finally reached that point, where I don't care what all the haters say. You always hear people say that in songs, but you really do reach that point. When you have so many haters that it gets to the point that you have to choose if YOU hate or love yourself. And when you love yourself, it really doesn't matter. I can look in the mirror now, and I wouldn't change anything. My hair is fine the way it is, my body is rockin, with or without makeup I'm still pretty. It is SUCH a good feeling to have this love. Because I love other people more now too. I'm not afraid to walk up to someone that's crying and put my arm around them. I don't have to worry if they'll say how weird I am later, because I love them and I love me. I wish I could have felt this way earlier in my highschool life. My name is Adri and I honestly like myself now.
This weather is to die for. I know it's strange that I like it, but I think cloudy days are whimsical and brilliant. I hope there's thunder and lightning :)
THIS WORLD FEELS LIKE GOSSIP GIRL! All this 'spotted' business. All these schemes. All these photographs of people making out and stuff. Good lord. Even a boy named Nate now! ;) And one named charles! :) Blair Serena where are you?! Lil j??? ;)


le bare haps :)

Ke$ha and t pain :)) ehmacute! :)))

I feel stupid because I like him and I SHOULDN'T. And every time we talk I smile THIS big! I feel like a silly little girl all over again! All of it is just coming back :)))
BRITTANI won and I literally jumped for joy :) she's going to be a fabulous model :) :) :)

Drake blogged?! Well that's something new! ;)
gooodnight xxx today has been good to me.

Le pictorials :))

Fuck you. Pay me.

Wise guy :))) this book is so good :) like wayy interesting :))

I'm pretty sure I'm the most amazing justin bieber fan EVER! ;) Yeah, that's right. Lets go JB!

The Jade family :) complete with me, skye, triton, our dogs Buzz and Tugboat, and some easily controlled man. Deal.

Returning le library books.

Baby, you're the right kind of wrong.

Problem: he has a girlfriend. Solution: I don't give a shit ;)
Late night texts and butterflies :) A text hasn't made me smile this big in so long :)

Today es Kercee's birthday :))) we decorated her station and I felt so good about it :) I hope she has an amazing day! She deserves it :))
I gave Sarah a pedicure today :) it was pretty fun :) I hope she liked it! I'm always nervous that I don't do good! Megan's haircut looks great :) I LOVE her! I want to do a photoshoot with her hella hella HELLA bad :) Hopefully gonna hang out over memorial day :)

Last night? So Kira calls me and I answered (Adri, you're a dumbass. Stop answering your phone. goddamn) and she told me that Robin was a car accident and she asked me if I was with Eric. So I was like no? And I started worrying about Robin because I'm a toolbag. And right as I was texting Kira to see what hospital Robin was at, she texts me saying it was all a lie. ? I feel like I'm living in gossip girl with all these schemes and lies and shite :| then there was something about Drake, but I honestly have no idea what theee hell is going on. And he's at work, and for the first time ever he WON'T ANSWER HIS PHONE! Whatever. As long as I'm not pulled in, I don't care. Done with le drama :)

I think about more than I forget.

Le story time :)))

So I was at mutual :) and there was this kid doing something crazy in the distance with a car so I was like 'Kent go see what he's doing!' So kent goes over there and soon enough he waves me over. Turns out this boy is GORGEOUS! So I talk to him for a minute, but the leaders are like it's time to GOOOO. So I start panicking and I just burst out with 'SO YOU SHOULD TEXT ME!!!' I'm smooth :| I don't care though because he is so so so so SO hott :) :) :) soccer player at murray :) :) :) Gonna hella bag this one.

Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win.

'Is that the govna?!' 'the govna is coming the govna is coming!!!
Julie: 'The crazy lady is back!' Seriously, we've heard her presentation for her school THREE times.. does she just forget that we've already heard it??? I think she was pissed when no one took her flyers/signed her list. But it's because we ALREADY DID, you freaking crazy!  SO, I thought she was gone, so I loudly start discussing how crazy the crazy lady is. She was still there. Oops.  It was le great times :)) we did a crew cut today and it wasn't too shabby at all :))) Where's the govna?!
So we saw this kid from Megan's school wearing a tiedye shirt and a camo hat. 'Is you tryin to blend in or is you trying to stick out?!' THEN there were guys in kilts and camo!!! OH YES! BAHAHA'd my brains out :)))
It was raining like a MOFO today so I was like I don't want to walk out to seminary! So I went to childcare with le Mitchell :)) It was nice :) They all made me smile and laugh and It made me get a craving for sims ;) I had great fun :)
In english we took the lord of the flies test and I feel like I did pretty swell :) then we started watching freedom writers which is actually a pretty chill movie :) I like it anyways :)
'Ew' I swear to god. Say ew as I pass you one more time and I'll shove a tire iron up your bitch ass.
Potty-mouth Perschon :| I swear... literally ;)
SO excited to go to Amy's wedding with Jonathon :))
Dixy poo home tomorrow :) :) :)
Lukey pookie bear makes me smile so so so SO big every time he texts me :) when he smiles at me, I seriously blush. I think it's because he has the most amazing smile I've ever seen. His teeth are tres perfect :) and he agreed to double pierce his ears :))))
'You know, the president doesn't have to swear to express himself...'
Well, I do. So fuck him and fuck you too :)

And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it

Le cookie dough and uptown girls with Drakey <33 We suck because neither of us know how to make anything... and neither of us like vegetables....
'Those are some big ass cheerios!' 'Do you think we can sub baking soda for baking powder???' Nahh :))
Le yummy ;)

No regrets I'm blessed to say.

That's all I wanted to say..

Full head of cornrows in cosmetology [x] 

'Just because you put le in front of everything doesn't make it french!' Le love you ;))

I have the most amazing girlfriend in the world :))) 'Le talk to him?' 'Le yes' :)) She's got my back with Zac ;) I'm gonna cut her hair in wednesday :) I hope she le loves it ;)

Soo, he likes me (WAYY) more than I like him.. and that's such a turnoff for me...

Lukey pookie bear <333 I don't care how much he hates being called that :) I think it's cuteeee :)

I had the most amazing dream about Hek :))))) WANT.

'I just want everything to be perfect. And it's just not.' I know exactly how you feel....

I may be a little too fast paced and racy

So I'm addicted to Wise Guy <333 it's not a good book, it's just like hella interesting. First I had Nik recommend it and I read the back and I was like ehh that sounds ish. But then I had Drake tell me that I should read it and that it's his favorite book. So at that point I was like I need to know what all the fuss is about. So today I went to barnes and noble and I got it :) on a side note, I love barnes and noble on a sunday morning :) it's peaceful and it has a different atmosphere than it usually does :) it's just amazing :) But I've started reading and... I wish I could have been a gangster in the 60's :( with their cool suits and scams that were easier to do... I wishhhhh :)
Chat with Luke today <333 tres sweet :) He's got me speakin french all over the place :) last night I fell asleep on the phone to him reading me poetry. in FRENCH! Guys just aren't made like that very often <33 I think I'm going to convince him to double pierce his ears :)) He is tres attractive :) Maybe he can be my summer romance <3 Once I told him to be less cling and back off, he's been ooober good about it :) le loveee ;) I honestly like him so much :) I feel bad about calling him sketchy Luke back when I was with Eric... In reality, he wasn't sketchy, I just wasn't used to guys being so good to me and spoiling me :) Anyways... Je vais avoir de l'espoir pour cet amour.

Je vais avoir de l'espoir pour tous les amoureux <333

Le fuck you.

As Luke would say ;)

But when someone seems too good to be true, they usually are.

Tonight was crazy. An extreme amount of inspiration. Pass the buck was exactly what I needed. It was spiritual, but fun too. Austin and Spencer made sure that we were always laughing. Is it crazy that after a year of complaining about council, I'm going to miss it? These really were amazing people. We had our differences, and it sucks that we weren't best friends, but they are amazing people. And I'm always going to consider them friends. Most of all I'm grateful for brother sullivan. I went to him with a broken heart, a low self esteem, and other various problems. And he listened to me. And he gave me a blessing. And he helped me to get through it. I know that he prayed for me, and I am so thankful for his prayers. I bore my testimony and I was amazing by what I was saying. I don't think when I bear my testimony, it just kinda comes out. I go up there believing, and while I am saying it, I know it. You gain a testimony while testifying. I talked about the opposition that I had, but how I still knew that I was called of God. I know I was. And I don't care if Aubrey still doesn't think I'm good enough or whatever, that's between her and god, because I know he wanted me. I just wish it wouldn't have taken me all year to realize that. But maybe that was the point. I am so thankful that I was able to pass my book to Bailey. I knew it was supposed to go to her all along. The night I got it, I had a feeling that it would go to her. All the notes, pictures, and other nonsense, I did knowing she would see it. I like that feeling. I feel like I had a crazy awesome revelation. Or at least a really good gut feeling. I have some amazing people in my life. For some reason, Austin, Nick, and Spencer influenced me so much this year. I am so glad that I got to serve with them. I hope we still stay friends. Our seminary video was awesome. It was the perfect amount of memories. Stuff I'd forgotten, but were amazing none the least. I honestly don't regret taking my calling to seminary council. Sometimes, it was just the shove I needed. Like my first pass the buck, the one tonight, when I had to speak and I had the flu, our hike up ensign peak, pizza pullaparts at Maryann's house. I needed those moments. And I needed to have people make those judgments about me. Because now I have a stronger testimony of how we need to love everyone. How everyone is a child of god. Sometimes, I'll walk down the halls and I'll see someone I don't know, but I'll still feel a huge amount of love for them because I know they are my brother or sister and I know that God loves them too. If you don't feel that, you've got a lot of soul searching to do. Our video was set to John Schmidt's love story. That song has so much meaning to me. And it helped me realize something. I wanted to call Eric and tell him about it because I really need to tell him something that is long overdue. I couldn't though. And I know he has no reason to do so, but I hope that by some slim chance, he reads this and calls me. It's not to yell at you by the way. But I have something I need to tell you, because the spirit is telling me that I need to.

And I am, whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? I don't know, it's just the way I am.

You say you hate me, I just love you more.

Le craziness :))
I've come to the conclusion that I want my last name to be Jade :) then my kids will be Triton Jade and Skye Empathy Jade <333 I think it sounds gorgeous!
So last night :) it was wayy fun :) first me and colton and Jordan decided to go get arctic circle icecream :) 'Can I get six complimentary cones?' '...no?' So we got three, but instead they gave us the wrong order so we got two ginormo cones and still our three complimentary cones :)) Pro stat :) but we missed Nik by five minutes :/ I don't give a shit though because free is free :) Then we went and saw Colton's little brothers' baseball game for a little bit :) and all of Colton's friends were like 'bro is that your girlfriend? She's so hott!' :)) :)) :)) thank youuu and no :) But so then we were like lets go to a haunted house :) and we had the bright idea to get the 'touchy thing' because it was only two extra dollars. Apparently, for two dollars more, you can get raped by the haunted house actors :| all the girls took theirs off immediately because we were hella scared, but Jordan and Taylor kept theirs on, and they were getting thrown around like it was nobodies business. When they say touchy, they mean TOUCHY! It was hella scary! Especially when they made me crawl and the actor knew my name :| and when they made me get in the coffin :| 'How scared are you?' 'Very' 'How much is veryyyy?' 'HELLA!' :)) So in one part of it, they separated the boys from the girls and made us go in an elevator and it was so sketch :| Then the actor was all 'come come come!' '...That's what she said' :) Instant hate from that actor ;) it took us forever to get in though! We seriously didn't get in until midnight! But when we were standing in line, this super tall chick came and had a dance off with us ;) and Jordan hit on every single actress I swear to god. 'Hey shawty!' Every other word out of his mouth ;) when they separated the girls from the boys, the only reason we found them is because we heard Jordan say 'Heyy girl!' :) It was a way fun night :) And I feel a lot closer to Taylor's girlfriend :) I really like her :))
'You look really good tonight, Adri.' (pause) 'And I'm not just saying that because you're wearing short shorts!' ;)
Today was fun with the fam :) me and ben went exploring and we found this old abandoned mine shaft :) I've decided that when I'm a ghost, that's where I'll haunt :)
I love that the weather is starting to get nice :))
Pass the buck tonight :)

You don't want me. I just want you more.

Pray for light today, right away. Why do they try to fight today?

Turday <3 (I've gotten a tendency to use that stupid lil wayne accent... you know? hurr, thurr, tuurday)
First off, baseball season blowsssss. I wish it was over... So coltaaan can text me back :) idk what we're doing tonight, but I'm gonna convince him that we need arctic circle icecream ;)
In cosmetology we did our shave test again, but we had to do it in front of the whole class :| it was hella nerve wracking but I got 48 again :))) I was pretty proud of myself :) and the only reason I got docked was because I dropped my clip and had NO idea what to do about it, so I ignored it. SAFETY HAZARD!!! ;) We discussed cravings because I've ben having a boatload of them I swear :)
In seminary we wrote letters to our teachers, and I honestly cried. I wrote mine to brother sullivan and I told him how much he's helped me. I am SO thankful that I had him. I owe a ton to him. Since talking to him last, I've been feeling much better. About life and especially about myself. Then we had a picnic in my class :) Jyllian makes the most amazing dip in the entire world and I'm a little bit addicted to it :| I don't think anyone knows my real name in that class... they all just call me Barbie :) in charles's phone, I'm literally 'seminary barbie' :))) I love them all :)
Luke tres sweet <333
In english we went to this stupid college day thing outside? Idk what it really was :) but they were giving out raffle tickets so I was like 'here Nik, double your chances for winning.' then Ashley gave him hers to triple his chances. That little mothertrucker won :) and it made me hella bahaha :) His friend was wayy hott and I think he should double pierce his ears (I'm OBSESSED!) :) But so then we left and Nik was like 'I have shit stuck in my back teeth, I wish I had dental floss.' Guess who had dental floss? THIS CHICK :)) bahaha I felt pretty good about that ;) And it made me realize all the random shit in my purse.... a lock, an eminem cd, nutella, a book of lists, and socks... I should probably clean that out ;)
So I got home early and I decided to write the notes in my council books for pass the buck tomorrow :) I got Bailey Wyatt and Tia. I knew I would have Bailey. A year ago, when I first got my book, I had a huge feeling that I would give it to Bailey. And while I read it and took notes, I knew she would read them. I don't know how I knew. It took me around an hour to write their notes. I felt inspired as I wrote them, so I hope that I wrote what I needed to.
Then shopping with the mumma :) I got material for the baby blanket (I told my mom this is more important than any other blanket she's ever made, because it's for my baby:))) and for something else special ;) It's almost Kercee's birthday and I am so so so so SOOO excited :)) I'm excited for everything lately :)))
Someone saw a picture of megan today and they were like 'she should be a model!' DUDE, I know! That's my girlfriend! She's hella stunning :) NOW all my friends are :))) (effing random caps lock;))
I've taken a great liking to something. When people say something rude: 'Ok. THAT was ugly.'
Baseball end. End. end end end END. So we can go get icecream and request Nik to make it just so I can tell him that he honestly can't make 'the best' ;) Gonna lawyer his ass ;)
Tonight gonna be great :)

A world so dark. A world so cold. Stay wide awake <333

I want us to grow together, lets let our love unfurl.

Yestaaaday, since freaking blogger was down :|

‘I LOVE swearing-Adri!’

I went to leatherbees tonight with the relief society. Me and my mom really are envied by all of the ladies. Because we’re so close, because I go on a ton of dates, and because we have bangin bodies ;)

So then me and ben went to Arctic circle and Nik was working! I love the fact that I wasn’t wearing my extensions or makeup ;) ‘I’m the best at making icecream cones!’ ‘…Can I get some fries?’ ;) Ben thought he looked like Eminem :)

Terbear, my mom liked those diamonds. So I gave it to her… I appreciate shit ;)

Eminem cds up the wazoooo :)))

You know what I realized? I cried harder when my iphone fell in the toilet than when Eric broke up with me. My priorities are set ;)

Mucho gusto day :)

I know what you wanna hear... 'Cuz I know you want me baby, I think I want you too...

Alright, random thoughts :))) Luke started texting me again and he's being so cute and good to me :) he is seriously SO amazing. Except for that one stupid detail. You know, the clingy detail.... But other than that he's like mucho perfecto. He's GORGEOUS, he has amazing taste in music (like I could honestly switch iPods with him and be happy for the day), he's a sweetheart, he's romantic, he has goals. He's amazing <33 I want him to stop being cling so I could actually consider dating him! ;) he even plays RUGBY! And that's so so so so hott! And acoustic guitar.... you're killin me, babe. Goddamn.
Then there's Drake <333 I just don't want to ruin my friendship with him :| I adore him though. He looks like justin bieber, we have THE same romantic thoughts, and he always makes me smile. He's super sweet... But yesterday he looked at me and I know I reminded him of Skye. With my hair wavy, I know he thought of her. And I can't do that to myself or to him. I know when he's with me, he thinks about me, but late at night, he thinks about her. Babe, you were so in love with her. I can't compete with that love. Maybe in time we can get together. But for the time being, I love you with all my entire heart, and you're my best friend.
Then there's Terbear <33 he has been the most amazing boyfriend I've ever had in my life <33 gorgeous, stunning really, SO smart, driven, spoils me, loves me, sweetest guy ever, my best friend, I can trust him fully. It just makes sense to everyone else for us to get together so we can get married soon, but I don't want that. DON'T TAKE THAT WRONG, BABY! I'm not saying I don't want to marry you or anything crazy!!! What I mean is that it's ridiculous to spend our whole teenage years together. You understand what I'm saying. I know you do, because you know me. You know exactly what I mean, you know what my words really mean, what my sounds mean, what my eyes are saying, you understand me. I know we love each other, Terance. That's why I never gave that ring back to you. But I know that the time isn't right for us. Don't forget about me, sweetheart, sit tight. I think we all know that in the end it will be you meeting me at the altar. Everyone knows we are 'meant to be.' Or whatever ;)
Dixyyy pooo, my honey bear. He's been begging for his chance with me since I was a little sophomore. I know we would be happy together, but a best friend happy, not a love happy. One date and we'll go from there. But I hope you know, I don't tolerate your whoredoms/intoxicating devices. And don't you dare forget that. Whether you're my boyfriend or my bestfriend, I don't tolerate that. And that's final, Dixon. I care too much about you to have you throw that away.
Then Colton, Kercee helped me to decide that I like him ;) he's good to me. He's really sweet. I like that he's so innocent and that we have fun doing stupid stuff together like going mother's day shopping ;) I like that there's no pressure with him, he just wants to have fun. I like that he isn't looking to necessarily fall in love. I really like that. Honestly, I like that he takes me back to the days where holding hands gives me butterflies. Kercee thinks he's super cute. And I could wear heels with him :)) idk we just need to go on more dates :)
Then there's this kid Zach that goes to Cyprus :) I've sorta watched him at gti all year he's way cute :) Megan's going to talk to him today about his availability ;) I hope he's dateable :))))
Then there's all the 'hot (insert title here) kid' I just wanna hold their hands and kiss them :) :) that's ALL I want :)
Oh yeah, then there's you. You pointless motherfucker. You DON'T fucking text me at two in the morning saying you fucking miss me. Not after you fucking broke my heart. And went for fucking her. You're a fucking idiot and I. Can't. Stand. You. Yehh, cool story saying how you finally realize what a dumbass you are, but now you're stuck with a fucking clingy bird and I'm gone. I'm gone, bitch. You weren't worth shit <333

In a relationship, save it bitch, babysit? you make me sick.

My heart, it beats for you.

Today so crazyyy :) in a very mucho gusto way :)

Soo in English, Nik decided that it would be ok to draw all over my face in green marker :| and it was while Mrs. aalen was lecturing so I had to whine about it quietly!!! He told me it was payback for drawing on him paper :| I swear to god I'll get him back and it'll be good :))

So right after school I run home as quickly as possible and wash all that nasty stuff at my face and then it was time for baseball with Kercee :)) It was pretty fun even though I know NOTHING about baseball. I was sorta catching on? ;) But I was there to support Colton and me and Kercee were talking about him, it wasn't until later that we found out his dad was sitting two rows ahead of us. And heard everything :) FML. I love Kercee with all my heart <33 I'm so glad I met her and I hope we go to more baseball games together :)) 'Hotness won't buy you flowers, but good guys will' :))

If I wasn't mormon you wouldn't hold me accountable.
You would just say I don't know better.

Don't make fun of me...

But, I have come to the conclusion, that guys can double pierce their ears, and it can look super attractive :) omg, like you wouldn't think so, until you see a hott guy with it then it's like yummmm :)
On my way home, A truck pulled up next to me and waved at me. So I waved back. Then he held up a sign. 'Flash me. It's my birthday.' I bahaha'd :)
Nice chat with Jordan today :) He's such a chill guy :)
'How many bras are you wearing??' One, my boobs have gotten bigger since we last talked :)))

I hate every single part of humanity. I don't think I'll ever be able to believe in anybody again. I wish I wouldn't have gone to young womens tonight. I just hate that everyone looks at me and immediately forms a judgment. They don't take into account my situation or how I was raised, or anything logical like that. They just look at me. Well, go ahead and take a nice long look, because I'm done with you. I'm done giving a shit about you. Next time I see you crying in the halls, don't expect me to stop and ask you what's wrong and hug you. Don't expect anything from me. Because I'm fucking tired of you sitting on your high horse and saying how christlike you are, but the only reason you feel so righteous is because you have to make me look so unrighteous. Next time you look at me and sneer because you're dressed modestly and I'm not, you can shove your 'christlike attitude and judgments' right up your fucking ass. You can look at me and hate me because I swear like a sailor and listen to eminem, but at least I've learned to think for myself. I know I'm not perfect. You're the one that's still dumb enough to think that you are.
Skankslutbitchwhore.

At least I have an amazing brother that surprised me with a Justin Bieber shirt. He seriously has no idea how much I needed that on this awful terrible day. It seriously made my cry.
Colton James Dixon, please hurry home faster. I need you more than I need a heartbeat. You're more important to me than the breaths that I take. I need the strength you offer me. I'm done sweetheart. I need your loving hands to come and pick me up. And every night I miss you, I can just look up and know the stars are holding you tonight.

Dixon is coming home in a week <3333
Pookie bear is coming home <333

Fuck all you fairweather friends, all I need is him.

But I ain't giving up faith, you ain't giving up on me.

Today has absolutely broken my heart. I know it sounds crazy, but just the overall overallness of the day has crushed me. Jay came to class crying, and it personally hurt me. Listening to her talk and watching her shake with tears made me start to cry. Because I've gotten to know and love this girl with so much of my heart that seeing her with all this pain in her life is causing me pain. I listen to her talk about how awful Dalton treats her and I still see her care so much. And it hurts to see that. Because I could see a part of me in her. I saw myself a couple months ago texting Eric a million times in a row, calling him constantly and him just saying 'meh.' I was such a dumbass for staying for so fucking long and for caring so much. I know what Jay is feeling. People look at her and wonder why she stays, but I know why. It's because she believes in love so much and she trusts in him with her whole existence. It's hard to let go when you feel so powerfully about something. But honestly, looking back, I wish I would have left him a lot sooner. And I don't want her to have that regret. I know that she needs to give him the ultimatum that he either treats her like she deserves to be treated, or she leaves him. Because right now he knows that she won't leave him so he's walking all over her and treating her terribly. He doesn't understand that he has this gorgeous amazing girl that's out of his league, and that he's treating her in a way that will just drive her away. It isn't RIGHT. And it isn't fair that love can blind us so much and that we can lose so much of ourselves in the fight to keep someone. I wish humans could be more independent creatures. Not the weak people that we are that need to be loved and need that feel of affection. I wish we only needed ourselves and no one else. This year all I've seen is people around me having their hearts broken and shattered. It makes me start to wonder why we even try. Is love really worth losing so much over? Is the heartbreak honestly worth it? It's easy to lose faith in love when all around, you just see it failing. But life isn't what's about what is easy. It's about fighting and pushing through it. Weathering the storms. Anything that is worth anything is something that you have to fight for. The best things in life aren't free. They don't cost money. But love, friendship, and self esteem all do come with a cost. Keep pushing through. I'm kind of a negative Nellie about this sort of stuff. I'm a debbie downer when it comes to humanity. I've lost so much of my faith in humanity this year. As I have so much taken from me. In cosmetology I had more money stolen from me. Combined with what was stolen before, I've lost almost a hundred dollars. It makes me sick that they feel the need to have to go in my locker, through my purse, and into my wallet to get money. I've never felt more violated in my life. If they really needed, and I mean needed, not wanted, the money, they could have asked and I would have helped them out. They didn't have to take it, I would have helped them willingly. I've had my jacket stolen along with other various items of clothes. I had my boyfriend stolen. I have been stolen from and taken advantage of so much this year that it makes me sick to look back on. How can people be so selfish that they'll just take like that? How can they not think of the other people that they are hurting? Why is self gain the only important factor to people anymore? Everyone is fighting their own battle, everyone has hurt in their life, and everyone has at least one secret that would break your heart. So why can't we take that into consideration? What happened to all the stuff we were taught in kindergarten? The stuff about sharing and asking before taking, the stuff about considering other peoples feelings. And what about the golden rule? Treat other people how YOU want to be treated. Why can't we all just go back to our childlike selves and treat everyone as best as we can. To be honest, age corrupts innocence. As we grow up, we just become worse people. It makes me never want to grow up. It makes me almost dread having a child in this world. A child that will be so perfect and beautiful and innocent in this world of corruption. Watching my child grow and become less innocent and more of the world. I don't want my son or daughter or any more children in this world to become like my peers. Because the world doesn't need more people like what it already has. What the world needs is a saving grace. It needs people that are good and honest and care more about other people than themselves. Honestly, the world just needs more flowers than weeds.

I owe my life to you. but for the life of me, I don't see why you don't see like I do.

Why you should not want Adri as your girlfriend.

I’ll start to call you babe and sweetheart. A lot.

I’m LOUD.

I steal my boyfriend’s clothes and never give them back.

I demand a lot of attention.

I demand to be spoiled.

I feel that I’m a princess and should be treated like one.

Sometimes I’ll call you at 2 or 3 in the morning just because I can’t sleep.

If I was sad, I would expect you to make me happy.

I’m pretty touchy feely.

I’ll draw you pointless pictures and draw you meaningless notes.

I’m always talking to other guys, even though they mean nothing.

I usually wear sweats on Monday night

On Wednesday I always watch america’s next top model.

I’ll want to practice for cosmetology on you.

I’m pretty nerdy…

I have a constant need for compliments

I wear boxers more often than not.

I’m a HUGE flirt.

I use double chin smiley faces :))

I will go to you to complain.

I’m always a pushy girlfriend. Always.

My friends are GORGEOUS so you’ll want them and I’ll get mad at you.

You heard me scream at eric…

I’m controlling.

I’m eminem obsessed.

I won’t let you see me without makeup

I’ll always just do random things for you that I think are cute.

I like to somewhat spoil my boyfriends.

I really can’t emphasize enough how much I need to be spoiled.

Relationships usually result in falling in love :| and that’s scary.

I need quality time.

I think I deserve the best so I’ll try to change you and make you better.

Even if you’re holding me, guys will still stare at me (trust me..)

Seriously, I need attention.

I would ditch you for my brother and sister.

My sister is REALLY hott.

I’m a super girly girl.

I’m addicted to romance.

If your friends don’t like me/my friends don’t like you, it won’t work.

I’ll talk about past relationships.

I’m still really good friends with most of my exes

I can be brutally honest.

I’m a cuddly little thing.

My room is always hella messy.

I say hella to describe everything.

I’m addicted to: blogging, tumblr, hot cheetos, café rio, extensions, shoes, vitamins, and sweettarts.

I wear my hair in a ponytail a lot :|

I have a girlfriend..

Eric screwed up how I kiss…

I’m trying to be a better person.

I like to go to bed early.

I don’t drink.

I won’t drink.

I’ll want you to be my best friend.

I’m picky.

I wear the pants.

I talk about guys I find attractive.

I ditch my friends to go tanning.

Going on actual dates is a requirement. Like actual dates… with dinner and everything.

I won’t have sex with you…

The moment you own it, you better never let it go.

Le internet es being slow :|
'Listening to blink 182 and thought of you <333
Listening to Ke$ha and thinking of you. Now I wanna get sleazy. <333'
Iloveyoubabe.
We learned a men's facial today in cosmetology and we had to perform it on each other. I'm pretty good at fondling Megan's lobes.. ;)  four girls, 1 bag of hot cheetos. Gone within an hour. Cravings are a bitchhh. I love us :)
In seminary we did this trek activity thing. I BARELY didn't make it to salt lake city. Seriously, I died 25 miles from it :|
Tanning is relaxation <3
So I went to the library and there was this super hott kid there :))) So I will now refer to him in future posts as 'hott library kid' bahaha as if there will be any future posts about him, we never even talked other than 'excuse me' ;)
I've comprised a list of reasons why colton should not ask me out :) i'll post in in a momento :)
Summed up, today has been tragically dullll.

El tanning results :)

Happy mothers day Mumma. You're the best mom this world has ever seen I love you with all my heart. I hope you know that I just want to make you proud.

I guess it was never meant to be. It's just something we have no control over

I think it's through maturity that people don't believe in soul mates. That when they find true love they realize that that person is BEST for them but that nobody is meant for each other. Because it's ludacris to think that we spend our whole life looking for the one and only person that can complete us. Its sad to think that. There is someone out there that compliments us in the best way possible and better than anyone else, but we should be complete on our own. It's sad to think that you aren't. We need to be strong on our own and stop relying on others around us. I don't believe in soul mates. Or even in perfect matches exactly. I believe in best matches and in best mates. But you could go along completely happy with someone else in life. And honestly that best person for us changes as we change in ourselves. As our environment and as our situations change so does that person. And there's choice factored in too. We choose what we want, and it's funny, but we usually choose people that project the same qualities as we do. It's extremely funny to watch people find partners because they try to find a partner that is an imitation of them. So look at your partner. You chose them because you saw yourself. Is that really how you want to be? And will you be that way forever? Will they? The answers could always change. Always rearrange. And that's why perfect matches aren't possible. And quite truthfully I don't find this depressing. I find it liberating. 

Workin at the car wash!!!

Today was our fundraiser car wash and I am so proud of myself :) I washed and dried and parked so many cars that it is ridiculous! But I got this huge truck guy from georgia to tip us twenty bucks :))) It was my excellent singing and dancing skills <33
Then mother's day tea with the madre :) Seqoia hates the world unless she's in her mother's arms. I think that it's so cute in the most obnoxious way possible <333
Gateway with Jammin :) I love that I can transform his new clothes into MY new clothes :) while shopping for him, I make sure that I'll look good in it too ;) sadly, I'm honestly not joking. I love his clothes.
Chillin with Colton, Jordan, and Taylor tonight <33 we went to this kid austins party, and it was pretty chill except for these two sketchy guys that decided to try to be our best friends even... and they were HELLA annoying I could NOT handle it! So then me and Colton went shopping because I had to get something for my mom for mother's day and Taylor asked us to get him a card. Seriously the only card left said 'To the best mother, from the best mother (just go with it)' We still got it :) and I got some flowers because the plan was that my mom would be waiting up for me at midnight so I was going to surprise her with the flowers. She wasn't waiting. So I had to put them in a vase. In the dark. I hope you know I still love you mommy <333 today has been very very busy :) maybe tomorrow I'll do a better post :)

Now hush little baby, don't you cry Everything's gonna be alright. Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya Mommy's here to hold ya through the night. I know daddy's not here right now and we don't know why We feel how we feel inside It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby But I promise momma's gon' be alright <3333

It's an explosion every time I hold you, I wasn't joking when I told you you take my breath away

Warning: darling, this is going to be the most random pst possible. The most random post of your live, quite possibly.
'Nik can I ask you a really douchey question?' :) bahaha that was the start of an adventure <33
Now the biggest, most exciting news of all... IT'S A GIRL!!! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDD!!! :) :) :) From now on every single thing I buy will be pink with some cute fat baby animal on it!!! I am so excited to spoil the shit out of this kid! And she's completely healthy, two legs, two arms in the normal places. And most important of all, a heart <33 I am so so so so so so so (you can't even UNDERSTAND) EXCITED!!!!!! Sept. 25 <3333
So then our seminary senior banquet. That was so amazing. At first, I wasn't feeling it, but it turned out to be amazing. The testimony went amazing. It was supposed to end at eight, but it didn't until nine twenty. At one point, I seriously bawled my eyes out. Seeing the new council really made me think about last year. I remember feeling the spirit so strong at that senior banquet too. And I remember when Eric got up and he looked right at me and we both just smiled so big. I remember he was absolutely and completely glowing, and happiness was just radiating off of him. I just wanted to run up and hug him and kiss him on the cheek. I found him so completely attractive while he was up there glowing. I don't think I ever told him that. I think the reason I liked him so much was because of that spirit and that glow that he had. Anyways, back to the present. I did NOT want to go up there. I don't like most of the people that were in that room and I had no desire to go up. But Heather gave me 'the eye' and after she did I got that super heart beat thing goin on, where it beats a million times per minute and I get extremely aware of every single beat. So I got up. And I cried a lot. I'm sure it was comical to them. Because I wiped under my eyes with a tissue, and I made a very disgusted face when I saw the amount of makeup on that tissue. There was seriously so much. It was gross. After the meeting concluded, sister bell came up to me, and I know that she is a woman of god, and I KNOW with all my heart that she listens to the spirit. Because she put her arm around me and she looked me straight in the eye 'Do you know how loved you are yet? Do you know how much you are loved?' And I cried. Because I had never told her, never uttered a single word to her about how alone I've been feeling and how unloved I've felt. I've never given her a reason to think I needed that, but she knew through the spirit that I did. I am so grateful that she listens to the promptings of the holy ghost and that she helped me in my time of need. I am so thankful for her.
And the unlimited cafe rio tonight was MUCHO GUSTO! :))
Apparently, just by the way I walk and carry myself in general, is an indication that I've been listening to eminem a lot recently. Seriously, people can tell just by how I walk... I'm not gonna stop though :))
I was talking to this girl cassie tonight and I told her she reminded me a little bit of jaylynn, and you know what she did. 'I take offense to that.' Get off your high horse, you little bitch. You aren't even HALF the woman that JayLynn is. And I lost complete and all respect for you after tonight.
There was something else to talk about, but I have forgotten it :/
Hey, taco bell, I hate you for what you've done to me. But just be careful. You don't deserve to feel the way it feels to have your heart shattered. Everyone warned me too, but I thought I could prove them wrong. I couldn't. I know you won't either. Just be careful. xxxx taco time.
There's peace floating in the air and I'm hoping to glow now.

Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open that I wont be makin a mistake <333