What we have is worth fighting for.

I had this dream about him. About Nathaniel, I mean. It was strange, but I can't stop thinking about it. We went to some private school together and we were really good friends. He gave me one of his rings that he always wore and for some reason I can still see that ring perfectly. It was gold with like aztec lines all over it. But then later he gave me another ring. This one was really important to him, way more important than the other one he gave me. It was black with a huge black flower on it. I put it on my ring finger, but it was way too big. So after a while I took it off and set it on my counter next to the watch that Eric gave me. Me and Nathaniel were in my backyard and he asked about the ring, but suddenly I didn't know if I had purposely taken it off or if I had lost it. So I ran inside and found it and put it back on my ring finger. Only this time, it fit absolutely perfectly.
I wish I knew why I dreamt about something so absolutely silly.

'You know what's pathetic? Yesterday me and Mike were driving around when that song came on. The 'if I die young' song. I looked at him and saw him singing along with tears in his eyes, and I just lost it.' It's not just you that afraid of losing him, sweetheart. I think all of us are afraid to see what this world is going to be like without him in it. See if it will be less happy, less sunny, maybe slightly less perverted, less funny, just less. Maybe it won't be dramatic to anyone but us, but I'm still terrified to see what this world is going to be like without 'Makin my way downtown Mike' There's no time to cry about it though, no time to just wonder why some people die young, there's no time to wallow in self pity. You can hate that cancer is killing him, but you can't hate what cancer has done for him. How it's changed him from a boy to a man. How it's changed YOU from a boy to a man. How close it's brought both of you. Recognize the good, but don't think of what will or won't happen. Eventually the world might be less, but for now it's more. Darling, don't worry. Le tout sera ok, mon amour.
xxxxxx