The thing is, I'm stronger than you think

Today was good :) in cosmetology we watched the ultimate gift :) I forgot how much I love that movie :) It makes me want to be a better person :) and I'm going to be :) Because it will get me places to be a good person.
Child care is forever awkward. A huge part of me just wants to switch out, but Ashley and Kira convinced me not to. Even Tina told me not to. She said the saddest thing today though 'This used to be my favorite class' it was never my favorite, but I still feel bad for ruining it. I feel like if I just transfer then it can go back to being her favorite. I was completely honest with Tina about stuff today. It felt good to get it out there. Ashley started crying today and it was really hard for me to see. I didn't do hardly anything, but later she told me what it was really about so we were able to talk through it :) I met a new girl named Miranda today. She is just one of those people that is super familiar even though I haven't met her. When Ms. Rockwell asked her if she knew anyone, she said she knew me just because about ten minutes before that I told her I liked her hair. I hate being the person with no friends in a class, so I'll be her friend.
Sooo Kira gave me a condom today :) apparently you get free ones at planned parenthood so she just gave it to me? I put it in my bra of course :) I'm going to put it on my wall so I remember it forever :) it was so scary to hear about how she had a seizure yesterday. Drugs are just so scary to me. I'm so thankful that she's ok. I love her absolutely to death :)
In english today we had to write a couple of paragraphs pretending that we were dead and saying things that we were too afraid to say while we were alive. If that makes any sense whatsoever? But it was a really cool experience for me. I was going to play it off as a joke, but it ended up getting so much more personal than I thought it would. I was actually telling her about my life. I wrote about my best friend last year. And how much I really did like him, but I never told him. It ended up being so much more personal than I can even express again. She was really interested in what I had written, because she read mine almost immediately after I gave it to her. And I could tell when she was done, because she looked up and smiled at me. And I feel like she could somehow relate with me, like she really believed that the 'love' I wrote about existed and that it was real. Her smile meant so much to me. I've grown to love that class again. For more than just a hott guy. But actually love it because I've always loved English.
'He doesn't know why you even want the pictures. Because you guys aren't even friends anymore.' I want them so I can show my kids that even though we stopped being friends two days later, we still went out with a bang. And that the friendship was real while it lasted. Everyone around me that sees that we aren't friends look at me like I'm crazy. And you can tell that they're even upset by it. But through this I've gained so much peace. I don't regret anything from it. How can you regret something that has helped you to learn and grow so much? So, yeah, we aren't friends anymore, but I'm not going to be the person that deletes all the pictures and takes them down off my wall, I'm going to leave them all be, probably even print off more of them, because in a way he's always going to be my best friend. In my lifetime I probably won't find someone else that can beat that friendship. I'm not keeping the pictures to mourn or to make me sad, but to celebrate those thirteen years of friendship. That's why getting those last pictures probably means so much to me. That way when I'm old any wrinkly ( I would say gray... but I'm a cosmetologist, that won't happen...) I can look back and know with a surety that even when it was the end and when stuff around us was falling apart, we still bahaha'd the night away, trusting each other fully when we said 'it will all be ok' because it will be. It will all be ok.