I must isolate you and save you from yourself.

'I remember in Reception my teacher said to us '' Always Make Sure You're Okay Before You Help Others'' At the time i thought that was ridiculous. How could i put myself before someone who is in need of help or advice. And for years i lived like this, Always being second, always helping others. Just a bubble of empathy. I guess i thought i was good at it. I was good at making people better, i was certain of it. So i would just help everyone, stick everyone's lives together and hold the pieces that didn't fit with my own hands. But eventually you just get tired. Your hands begin to ache, other peoples troubles begin to weigh you down and you realise you weren't meant to hold their life together. You were just meant to mutter a few words of encouragement when you met. That was your purpose in meeting them. But as always you had to better, had to be responsible for them, always putting them first. I just can't do it anymore. So all those years ago, In Reception i really wish i'd listened to my teacher and put myself first. If you put yourself first your happy, simple. Never compromise yourself for others. Because in the end you cant save them, you never could.'
-Felicity


For some reason, this hit me really hard. Because I feel like I can relate to it in too many ways to count. And that I'm starting to realize the exact same thing. It doesn't matter how much you do for others, it just comes back to kick you in the ass. You think that you're doing something good, but really you're just fucking yourself over. I need to stop caring about others as much as I do, because it's gotten me nowhere. It's probably time for me to just start being a self centered little bitch, because at least that way when everything falls apart, I have something to blame it on. I feel like my whole life I've been the friend that gives more, loves more, and tries harder. Then they all turn around and spread rumors about me. It's not worth it anymore. I need to just stop caring about others and only worry about myself. But we all know I can't even do that. But you know what I can do and what I really will do? Say goodbye to the guy I've loved since kindergarten. He was never good for me anyways. 


It's time to get out of the desert and into the sun. Even if it's alone.