I've mastered the art of missing.

Babysitting cute moment :)

Yesterday was good :) I went to lunch with my mumma and then I actually went to seminary council! I didn't really do much, but it was nice. I feel like I really got to know Spencer a lot more than before. He's a really sweet guy. He made me feel like I was supposed to be there and when he took me home he shared a lot of really cool insights with me. I'm really grateful for a ton of the stuff he said. When he asked me about my career and stuff he seemed honestly surprised but maybe a little impressed too at the drive and desire that I have to succeed. It was fun hearing about the ranch he wants to own and the old truck he wants. He was adorable and I'm glad to have him as my friend.
Me and my mom went and got a few more things for my prom dress yesterday. I'm so excited! I want to go all out for my senior prom :) I want a massive corsage and even a limo :) I just want it to be something that I'll remember for the rest of my life :) that of course has to start with the perfect dress! I hope it goes well :)
I babysat last night and that was a complete fail. I was there for five hours. With three kids, one of them autistic, and I only god twenty bucks. ...ok... what a waste of my friday night! Especially because I pretty much denied a date to do that... lame. And on top of that I was worrying about Eric and his stupid date the whole night :| it was awful. Especially when he never texted me back. He was a tool. But he made up for it today. We went to cafe rio. And that was way fun. I always spend a couple of hours there. It's just my safe place. I feel completely comfortable when I'm there. The colorful tables and chairs just put me in a happy mood. I thought it was funny that the ugly friend was the most arrogant and the hotter one was the sweetest. I think that's so ridiculous.
Eric is amazing. I sat and cried my eyes out (once again, snot is involved) and he even cried with me. I explained my post secret to him and when I did I realized how much I miss those days. I was really different back then. I thought that I was beautiful and smart and talented. It's weird thinking that I ever thought those things. I can't imagine that feeling of self love anymore. That sounds awful. But life caught up to me and I got swept up in the reality of things. I let the world take me down. I cried about this whole ordeal for about an hour. And Kira helped reassure some of my fears too. That's a scary feeling.
I'm so scared for my mom. I'm trying not to show it, and I know that she's trying not to show how scared she is either. I hope that everything is ok. I know that this could be serious, but I pray that it isn't. I know I can't do anything for her but pray. I wish my dad or Ben could give her a blessing :( I wish that power was in my family for times like this. I feel like every single one of us could use a blessing right about now.

I got my tan scrubs for barbering today. They make me look like I'm naked. My class is going to look like a nudist colony in our tan scrubs :|