Your smile is a beautiful lie.

I can't even explain everything that I'm feeling. But it's all pretty shitty. I feel alone and terrified. I'm afraid of getting tossed under to protect your own ass, because I don't know what's important to you anymore. Correction: I'm not sure if I'm important to you anymore. I just want to graduate high school and move on with my life. Leave all the stupid games and childish people. I'm ready to start the rest of my life. I've always been too restless for my own good. The only thing I think I'll miss is Megan and Kercee. Especially Kercee. I've grown to love her more than I thought possible. I relate to her in so many ways. We've been through the same thing. Her sophomore year she had a long term boyfriend just like I did. People even spread pregnancy rumors about her. She's one of the only people that understands how much that hurts and how it can damage so much of your high school memories. People always say 'well, you know that you weren't' yeah, but it didn't stop everyone from judging me. If those rumors wouldn't have been said about me I would be in a whole different place. I wish I could take that back. Being Lynnsee's friend I mean, not Terance. I regret nothing about that whole relationship. Terance taught me everyday. He was a true friend, and he still is. I love him to death. I would lay down my life for him if it meant he could find happiness. Almost everything about me is thanks to him. Kercee knows what I mean about that kind of thing. Or even the other way around. When you make them into something and some other ungrateful girl just comes and snatches them. When they were rightfully yours. School is just stupid. The taylorsville aspect of it is anyways. I love everything about gti. Cosmetology is amazing. I'm close to the teachers and the students. The girls there like me. It's a win win situation. I've never had anything taken from me there and I've never been accused of stealing either. I wish I could stay there all day. They make me happy.
I hope Kira comes to childcare tomorrow. I know we have to teach, but I really just want to talk to her and have her give me a hug. She understands feelings. She doesn't need to know the story behind the tears, she knows what your heart is going through. And in a lot of ways I think that is better.
It's pretty pathetic of me when the best thing that happened to me all day was when Eric texted me. I'm so glad he got a new phone/his phone worked again. I adore him.