I promise I'm not not abandoning my blog! I just got back from my roadtrip with Kercee :) I'll blog a MASSIVE blog tomorrow for sure :)
Goodnight xxxx

Surprise surprise...

Yes... I'm aware of the fact that on monday I said I would do a nice long post on tuesday.. Well, it's wednesday. I don't have an explanation though, so I'll just say oops.
So going clear back to friday :) me and Tina had a sleepover that was quite fun. I like her family a lot. We did facials and painted our nails :) it was the girliest sleepover that I've had in a long time :) it was nice. I had fun with her. And her church ball game thing was even pretty entertaining to watch :)
On saturday I went out to Eagle mountain with Eric :) it was a grand time :) I had so much on my mind though so the entire way there I was almost, but not quite crying. It went well though. His mom and dad were pretty chill :) bahaha and that was the best hamburger ever :) It was a great time all in all :)
On sunday me and my daddy went and looked at cars :) bugs and mini's :) my dad's love for mini coopers in equivalent to my love of pink slug bugs :) 'Oh look a whole fleet of them!! Lets go take a look!'
Wow.. I don't remember too much of monday. I wore my scrubs all day. I went to subway :) and it was a really good sandwich :) aerobics was amazingly fun :) I love my little group :) we have a lot in common :) Eric came over after school and I cut his hair for him which is always an adventure :) then we went to the library and he checked out The Pact. He's reading it just for me, and it really does make me happy that he would do that for me :) then I went and got a happy meal with him :) He's rainbow dash the unicorn because he loves to fly :) And I'm pinky pie ;) (Dear Rainbow Dash, if you're reading this [which you should be..] I love you :)) Ben was supposed to break up with horse, but he didn't because he couldn't find the right time. I went to the gym and felt great :) I then went to sleep thinking peaceful thoughts :)
Yesterday was fabulous :) Robin and Kira set me up with a date for sweethearts :) I'm pretty excited :) :) Kercee did an updo on me to practice for the skills competition. She did amazingg! We're going to win this competition :) everyone made fun of me for wearing a shower cap outside, but it protected my amazing hair, then they were all jealous and singing a different tune ;) I got my jimmy falcon's pictures and they were absolutely adorable :) I love them a lot :) English was dull :) Eric came over again and we played the question game for almost an hour. Then he even came to young womens with me and my mom just so that he could watch me speak :) he was so nice to me :) He said the most adorable thing today :) 'I'm at work, but I just want to go home and read that book :)' So cute :)
Today was nice :) I was on dispense in cosmetology :/ mleh. I learned how to do laundry for the first time though. Then I proceeded to do three loads of it :| woof! In seminary we talked about some of the coolest things. Every time you feel the spirit or bear your testimony, you're being cleansed and forgiven a little. I thought that was the coolest thing. And the spirit and body are so connected that you can get physically exhausted from feeling the spirit for so long. That explains all the sunday naps and why you're tempted to fall asleep during general conference ;) aerobics was nice, but my feet hurt so bad, that I can't jump as much as I would like to. I have something special in mind for Robin. To show her how much I love her. Me and my dad went and looked at the most gorgeous car :) ahhh! But we're going to keep looking for a bit too :) Ben wore his 'Ben's Nikes' and looked like a total idiot ;)
Cop: 'Where were you going in such a hurry?'
'Oh we were going to the annual west valley police ball.'
'Police don't have balls!' Ehma :) Oh jessica :)
I hope I'm not missing anything important :) Road trip with Kercee this weekend :) :) :)
xxxxxx

Life is too busy to blog!
I'll do a massive post tomorrow to sum everything up. Deal?
xxxxx

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.

Today was a really good day :) Kercee finally came to school :) as soon as I saw her car I seriously cheered :) JayLynn was like 'I've never seen a bug that color' Me: 'Kercee is here!!!' I'm so lame that I seriously ran to give her a hug :) I really love that girl :) she makes me insanely happy and she notices the craziest things about me :) I'm so excited for our road trip :) it's going to be so much fun!
'Nobody from my school texted me to see where I was. But every morning I woke up with a text from you. It really showed me who my true friends are' I love you so much, Kercee. I'm always going to be here for you. I'm so happy for you and Josh :) I can see how happy it makes you :) but don't forget about your hockey boys in new zealand ;)
The beauty supply lady came and talked to us at gti again and I could see that was when JayLynn really started to get excited about beauty school and it reminded me about how that's when I got excited too. I can tell she's nervous about making friends, because we're all so close. But I'm going to try really hard to get her feeling involved :) I just want her to feel the way I feel about cosmetology school :)
In seminary today, brother Sullivan asked me to talk, and I was so nervous, but I'm really glad that I did. People that I didn't even know told me thank you for what I said and it made me so thankful that sullivan asked me to speak. Because it made me feel important and qualified for my calling. Ben Martin even wrote my name next to the scripture I shared because he thought it was so cool. I'm so grateful for all of them. They made me feel amazing about myself.
Me and Tina talked to Aneeda for a little bit today, and when we left Tina told me how they used to be really good friends. And it got me to thinking about how many people I 'used to be really good friends with' it's so sad to think about that. But at least they were in my life for as long as they were. And that's enough I suppose.
Danielle told me about how awkward aerobics is for her because some of her old friends are in there. I can relate. Ohh how I can relate. I can't wait to get high school over with so I can move on with my life :) For some reason I always want to add 'and be famous' I don't know why, but I'm still childish enough to think that everyone will know my name.
I love my life :) :) :)

The thing is, I'm stronger than you think

Today was good :) in cosmetology we watched the ultimate gift :) I forgot how much I love that movie :) It makes me want to be a better person :) and I'm going to be :) Because it will get me places to be a good person.
Child care is forever awkward. A huge part of me just wants to switch out, but Ashley and Kira convinced me not to. Even Tina told me not to. She said the saddest thing today though 'This used to be my favorite class' it was never my favorite, but I still feel bad for ruining it. I feel like if I just transfer then it can go back to being her favorite. I was completely honest with Tina about stuff today. It felt good to get it out there. Ashley started crying today and it was really hard for me to see. I didn't do hardly anything, but later she told me what it was really about so we were able to talk through it :) I met a new girl named Miranda today. She is just one of those people that is super familiar even though I haven't met her. When Ms. Rockwell asked her if she knew anyone, she said she knew me just because about ten minutes before that I told her I liked her hair. I hate being the person with no friends in a class, so I'll be her friend.
Sooo Kira gave me a condom today :) apparently you get free ones at planned parenthood so she just gave it to me? I put it in my bra of course :) I'm going to put it on my wall so I remember it forever :) it was so scary to hear about how she had a seizure yesterday. Drugs are just so scary to me. I'm so thankful that she's ok. I love her absolutely to death :)
In english today we had to write a couple of paragraphs pretending that we were dead and saying things that we were too afraid to say while we were alive. If that makes any sense whatsoever? But it was a really cool experience for me. I was going to play it off as a joke, but it ended up getting so much more personal than I thought it would. I was actually telling her about my life. I wrote about my best friend last year. And how much I really did like him, but I never told him. It ended up being so much more personal than I can even express again. She was really interested in what I had written, because she read mine almost immediately after I gave it to her. And I could tell when she was done, because she looked up and smiled at me. And I feel like she could somehow relate with me, like she really believed that the 'love' I wrote about existed and that it was real. Her smile meant so much to me. I've grown to love that class again. For more than just a hott guy. But actually love it because I've always loved English.
'He doesn't know why you even want the pictures. Because you guys aren't even friends anymore.' I want them so I can show my kids that even though we stopped being friends two days later, we still went out with a bang. And that the friendship was real while it lasted. Everyone around me that sees that we aren't friends look at me like I'm crazy. And you can tell that they're even upset by it. But through this I've gained so much peace. I don't regret anything from it. How can you regret something that has helped you to learn and grow so much? So, yeah, we aren't friends anymore, but I'm not going to be the person that deletes all the pictures and takes them down off my wall, I'm going to leave them all be, probably even print off more of them, because in a way he's always going to be my best friend. In my lifetime I probably won't find someone else that can beat that friendship. I'm not keeping the pictures to mourn or to make me sad, but to celebrate those thirteen years of friendship. That's why getting those last pictures probably means so much to me. That way when I'm old any wrinkly ( I would say gray... but I'm a cosmetologist, that won't happen...) I can look back and know with a surety that even when it was the end and when stuff around us was falling apart, we still bahaha'd the night away, trusting each other fully when we said 'it will all be ok' because it will be. It will all be ok.

The change I don't want to be.

There was one other post that I was planning on making, but I decided last minute that it's too personal for this. But I just want to say, watch what you say to other people. Think about it before you release it to the world. Because sometimes things can come out completely wrong, meaning something completely different than what you meant it to mean. Don't let that happen. There are some statements that you say to other people that can change their life. You can make them believe in everything good and make them strive to be a better person, or you can make them completely doubt humanity. Please don't do the second. The way that I did because I misspoke and didn't think. Just think before you speak. My mom used to always tell me that. Turns out that she was right.

A will to survive and a voice of reason.

So I've been meaning to talk about this since umm well, yeah the first day of the year :| soo it's been a while. But the fact that I'm posting now is proof of how much it meant to me.
Me and Dixon were talking a while ago (ok... on january first) and he was telling me about how he's now been clean for over five months and any day now I know he'll be celebrating his six month pass :) I'm proud of him :) anyways! So me and him were talking about that and then the subject changed the the new year and how we've changed. My few changes were hardly anything drastic, but his was. He told me how nervous he was to go out on new years because he knew that the temptations would all be there, just testing his strength. He did make it though :) and he sent me this 'Last year I spent my new year higher than a kite, and drunker than anybody else at the party. I wasn't happy with who I was. I didn't like myself or what I was doing, but I kept doing it. This year my new years was mild. I didn't even bring in the year with a kiss. But I'm ok with that. Because I have goals that are for me and not for anyone else. If I can give you any advice from this whole thing, it's to find happiness in yourself. Not from other people, and definitely not from stuff or any substances. It's a long process, and I'll be honest, it's the hardest fucking thing you'll have to do, but you need to find happiness with yourself. You need to love who you are and learn to depend on yourself. That doesn't mean to not rely on a friend's shoulder here and there, but it means that if you have to cope, then you can do it by yourself. Please just find out who you are.'
Those texts have changed how I thought about everything. I need to learn to love who I am. I used to, so I know I can again. I'm going to try to develop talents and take care of myself in every way, I think that will really help me. But I know that I'm going to need god for this one too.

I must isolate you and save you from yourself.

'I remember in Reception my teacher said to us '' Always Make Sure You're Okay Before You Help Others'' At the time i thought that was ridiculous. How could i put myself before someone who is in need of help or advice. And for years i lived like this, Always being second, always helping others. Just a bubble of empathy. I guess i thought i was good at it. I was good at making people better, i was certain of it. So i would just help everyone, stick everyone's lives together and hold the pieces that didn't fit with my own hands. But eventually you just get tired. Your hands begin to ache, other peoples troubles begin to weigh you down and you realise you weren't meant to hold their life together. You were just meant to mutter a few words of encouragement when you met. That was your purpose in meeting them. But as always you had to better, had to be responsible for them, always putting them first. I just can't do it anymore. So all those years ago, In Reception i really wish i'd listened to my teacher and put myself first. If you put yourself first your happy, simple. Never compromise yourself for others. Because in the end you cant save them, you never could.'
-Felicity


For some reason, this hit me really hard. Because I feel like I can relate to it in too many ways to count. And that I'm starting to realize the exact same thing. It doesn't matter how much you do for others, it just comes back to kick you in the ass. You think that you're doing something good, but really you're just fucking yourself over. I need to stop caring about others as much as I do, because it's gotten me nowhere. It's probably time for me to just start being a self centered little bitch, because at least that way when everything falls apart, I have something to blame it on. I feel like my whole life I've been the friend that gives more, loves more, and tries harder. Then they all turn around and spread rumors about me. It's not worth it anymore. I need to just stop caring about others and only worry about myself. But we all know I can't even do that. But you know what I can do and what I really will do? Say goodbye to the guy I've loved since kindergarten. He was never good for me anyways. 


It's time to get out of the desert and into the sun. Even if it's alone.

Don't fret precious, I'm here.

My goodness. Hectic hectic day. I'm in barbering now and I discovered (to my horror) that on a days I can now take clients :| I'm so nervous! I don't want to touch these strangers! And even worse what if I mess up??? Pleaseee help me! I'm a little bummed that Jaylynn is going to be in my class. Not because it's her, but because she's from Taylorsville and she knows me. I wont be able to talk as freely as I used to or feel as independent. It will be fun either way though. I hope Kercee feels better soon! I miss her!
I really like having seminary during the day. It's just a massive break. It's like gti but even better :) I'm glad I'm taking it in the day now :)
In aerobics I got to know aubrey and danielle a lot more. We talked about things that I never thought I would talk about with them. It was nice. I understand them and relate with them more than I thought I would. I've always found both of them pretty, but I do even more now after getting to know them :)
I love that Kira takes time out of her day to check on me and make sure I'm ok :) I love her so much and I'm extremely grateful that she cares about me so much :)
I have like three posts that I need to do that I've been meaning to do for a while and they require their own post so I'll try to do that now :)

I had so many dreams about you and me

I know I should do a really good blog post because a lot really has happened but I'm not in the mood. Today was a very creative day for me and it felt really good to use that as a release. And of course I'm back to stress exercise. I guess that's not too bad though. At least I'll be bangin for prom ;) I'm very excited for the summer now because I have an amazing goal in mind. And a new bikini to tan in now ;) superfan bikini>regular bikini :)
I'm grateful for Eric. Even though I told him something so stupid that came out all wrong hes still here and I'm lucky for that. I'll expand later. As for now I love everything about this moment.

I've mastered the art of missing.

Babysitting cute moment :)

Yesterday was good :) I went to lunch with my mumma and then I actually went to seminary council! I didn't really do much, but it was nice. I feel like I really got to know Spencer a lot more than before. He's a really sweet guy. He made me feel like I was supposed to be there and when he took me home he shared a lot of really cool insights with me. I'm really grateful for a ton of the stuff he said. When he asked me about my career and stuff he seemed honestly surprised but maybe a little impressed too at the drive and desire that I have to succeed. It was fun hearing about the ranch he wants to own and the old truck he wants. He was adorable and I'm glad to have him as my friend.
Me and my mom went and got a few more things for my prom dress yesterday. I'm so excited! I want to go all out for my senior prom :) I want a massive corsage and even a limo :) I just want it to be something that I'll remember for the rest of my life :) that of course has to start with the perfect dress! I hope it goes well :)
I babysat last night and that was a complete fail. I was there for five hours. With three kids, one of them autistic, and I only god twenty bucks. ...ok... what a waste of my friday night! Especially because I pretty much denied a date to do that... lame. And on top of that I was worrying about Eric and his stupid date the whole night :| it was awful. Especially when he never texted me back. He was a tool. But he made up for it today. We went to cafe rio. And that was way fun. I always spend a couple of hours there. It's just my safe place. I feel completely comfortable when I'm there. The colorful tables and chairs just put me in a happy mood. I thought it was funny that the ugly friend was the most arrogant and the hotter one was the sweetest. I think that's so ridiculous.
Eric is amazing. I sat and cried my eyes out (once again, snot is involved) and he even cried with me. I explained my post secret to him and when I did I realized how much I miss those days. I was really different back then. I thought that I was beautiful and smart and talented. It's weird thinking that I ever thought those things. I can't imagine that feeling of self love anymore. That sounds awful. But life caught up to me and I got swept up in the reality of things. I let the world take me down. I cried about this whole ordeal for about an hour. And Kira helped reassure some of my fears too. That's a scary feeling.
I'm so scared for my mom. I'm trying not to show it, and I know that she's trying not to show how scared she is either. I hope that everything is ok. I know that this could be serious, but I pray that it isn't. I know I can't do anything for her but pray. I wish my dad or Ben could give her a blessing :( I wish that power was in my family for times like this. I feel like every single one of us could use a blessing right about now.

I got my tan scrubs for barbering today. They make me look like I'm naked. My class is going to look like a nudist colony in our tan scrubs :|

In preschool:
Me: 'Where does the play dough come from?' (meaning where should I put it away)
Annie: 'Well, when a girl play dough and a boy play dough fall in love...'
:)

Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.

All in all today has been pretty good :)
Cosmetology was fabulous :) I did good on my written test :) and that's what I was most worried about :) thank god :) and the facial Sarah gave me was to die for :) it felt absolutely fabulous :) she did completely amazing! I hope my husband can learn to grope me as well as she did ;) It was sad cleaning out our kits though. Saying goodbye to orientation. I'm going to miss that. And I really am sad that Sydney isn't coming back for the next semester. She was my second cosmetology friend ever. I grew quite fond of that lady. It was so sad to see Amanda crying. But I understand why she would. If I got a phonecall saying that my cousin had died, I would cry too. I didn't do much for her, but I hope that in a small way my hug was able to help her. I love those girls with all my heart. Later when Kercee texted me and said we would be best friends forever, I seriously almost cried. I love her so much. She means the absolute world to me.
Kira completely made my day. I needed her so much and she even came with hot chocolate in hand. I love her. She's my rescuer and my comforter. I'm grateful that I had her and Robin to talk to. It meant so much to me that they listened to me and even asked me about what was going on in my life. Kira, I adore you with all my heart and then some more. Thank you so much for what you did for me today.
Me and Ashley brought pizza for our english group. It was a fun class period. I love talking to all of them and I'm glad I got to meet them :) we finished the innocence, the sketchy movie that I've been talking about for days :) it was pretty good in a really disturbing way. I hope everything went ok with Nik and the court! It's stupid how easily I care for other people and their feelings :|
After school Brother Sullivan stopped and talked to me about seminary council and how I haven't been in a month and a half. He wants to help me fix things with the council and he truly believes that we can. I'm glad that he stopped me and talked to me. I think he could tell that I needed to feel that someone cares.
I made my post secret. I've had the postcard for almost a year now and I finally made it. It's not much, but I think it's beautiful and it's one of the most honest pure thoughts that I've written down in a long time. I'm going to mail it in soon. I need to take pictures of it though, so I never forget and I can remember to try to change that. I showed it to Eric and I was really shy, but he told me he liked it. I hope Frank likes it too. A lot of the reason that I made it was in gratitude to him for what he did for me last year. I don't know him, but even just briefly meeting him made a huge impact on my life. I love you so much, Frank. You've done so much for me. Thank you for post secret.
Me and Eric had a ton of bonding moments. I'm thankful that he just held me and let me cry and that he wiped my tears away. I'm grateful for the real friendship that he shows me and that he mutters 'asshole' 'wow what a bitch' at all the correct times. It meant a lot to me that he did that.
Me Eric and Tina went to the girls basketball game and it was an amazing night. We went to chef toms after and I just felt really close to both of them. The server we had was an amazing woman and she was just so contagiously happy and infectiously nice. I got to know Tina so much more and I really had a ton of fun with her. I can see me and her becoming really close. She seems good for me. I hope she goes to Ke$ha with me :) After Tina took me home though I had the most beautiful moment with Eric. We were just standing on my porch in the light snow and hugging. Both of us holding a pizza box. It sounds stupid, but it was gorgeous. It was then that I realized how much I love him and how grateful I am that he loves me too and that he's my best friend. More than anything I want to feel the peace and love I felt them all the time. I don't ever want it to go away. I'm so in love with the life that I'm living. I wouldn't change a single thing.
Between Kira, Kercee, and Eric I'm alive and I'm happy. Because of them I believe in love, life, and friendship. Thank you so much guys. You'll never know how much I appreciate it.

Bahaha you're just becoming into the exact person that you complain about all day long.

I'm grateful that God allows tragedies and trials in our lives, not because they are easy or because they are desired, but because they help us love.

Like stars burning holes right through the dark.

Today has been good :) Kercee and Megan make everything happy :) they even know that 'every day is a hot cheeto day' :) We all did pretty good on our finals :) I'm so excited for us to move on to barbering :) I love them so much :) :) :) I'm going to miss Cali :( She is one of my favee teachers :)
Amanda 'Hillary, wanna sluff with me'
Hillary: 'I can't, I wanna graduate too!'
You guys are too adorable :)
Me rachel and Ashley are planning something special for English because so many people are leaving the class :( it should still be fun though :)
I saw Kira and just had to give her the biggest hug :) I adore her :) she makes me happy :) I'm so glad that I met her this year and that we have child care together :) And she BETTER come tomorrow! ;)
Me and Tina had a great talk at lunch, and I understand how she can't let go of Abby. They have had a relationship since they were like two. I'm different though. Lately I just let things slide off of me. It's hard to care about anything other than hair these days. I just don't care anymore. But in the best way possible :) it's going to be good for me :)
Yesterday I had a massive breakdown with Eric. Massive. I really don't even know what it was about really. I just started crying and telling him that he needs to be happy. Long story short: snot was everywhere. I mean everywhere. Poor kid. I'm sure I looked like an atrocity in my sweats :) with snot and mascara tears everywhere :| why does he even love me??
Tomorrow Sarah is giving me a facial :) I love Sarah and I love facials :) win win situation ;)
I can't wait to finish that scary movie in English :) So about hott english kid's new/ex/new again girlfriend. Ima home wreck that shit aysap. We'll see how hard it could possibly be. It can't be harder than it was with Triton and Sydney ;)
Trevor Beesley friend requested me on facebook. I just asked him why. Mike, I think he got your letter.
Love life :) love friends :) Can't wait for weekend :) the end :)
xxxxxx

Just shut the hell up, Adri. And stop wiping your snot on the people you love most.

Your smile is a beautiful lie.

I can't even explain everything that I'm feeling. But it's all pretty shitty. I feel alone and terrified. I'm afraid of getting tossed under to protect your own ass, because I don't know what's important to you anymore. Correction: I'm not sure if I'm important to you anymore. I just want to graduate high school and move on with my life. Leave all the stupid games and childish people. I'm ready to start the rest of my life. I've always been too restless for my own good. The only thing I think I'll miss is Megan and Kercee. Especially Kercee. I've grown to love her more than I thought possible. I relate to her in so many ways. We've been through the same thing. Her sophomore year she had a long term boyfriend just like I did. People even spread pregnancy rumors about her. She's one of the only people that understands how much that hurts and how it can damage so much of your high school memories. People always say 'well, you know that you weren't' yeah, but it didn't stop everyone from judging me. If those rumors wouldn't have been said about me I would be in a whole different place. I wish I could take that back. Being Lynnsee's friend I mean, not Terance. I regret nothing about that whole relationship. Terance taught me everyday. He was a true friend, and he still is. I love him to death. I would lay down my life for him if it meant he could find happiness. Almost everything about me is thanks to him. Kercee knows what I mean about that kind of thing. Or even the other way around. When you make them into something and some other ungrateful girl just comes and snatches them. When they were rightfully yours. School is just stupid. The taylorsville aspect of it is anyways. I love everything about gti. Cosmetology is amazing. I'm close to the teachers and the students. The girls there like me. It's a win win situation. I've never had anything taken from me there and I've never been accused of stealing either. I wish I could stay there all day. They make me happy.
I hope Kira comes to childcare tomorrow. I know we have to teach, but I really just want to talk to her and have her give me a hug. She understands feelings. She doesn't need to know the story behind the tears, she knows what your heart is going through. And in a lot of ways I think that is better.
It's pretty pathetic of me when the best thing that happened to me all day was when Eric texted me. I'm so glad he got a new phone/his phone worked again. I adore him.

Time to make one last appeal.

This weekend has almost been too crazy to even blog about. So I won't. Seriously, it was so unexpected. Jimmies was just awkward. I felt like everyone was staring at us and like Cj was telling everyone lies about me and Mitchell. But I know we'll be ok. Me and Mitchell will explain ourselves, and it will all be taken care of. I feel pretty confident about all of this. We're gonna tell them the truth and when has that ever gone wrong? Heavenly father, please help make this right :|
Me and Eric went hottubbing with Ben and Becca. Well that was awkward. One minute I'm looking at the stars, the next they were making out hard core. I felt so bad for Eric. I hope he didn't feel as awkward as I did :/ Eric is my best friend. I tell him everything. I wish he would text me back... I'm worried :(
On friday, me Kira and Tina had what I think was an excellent conversation. I told Kira so much about my life that people don't know. I trust her so much and I'm grateful that I know her and that she understands so many things that nobody else does.
We did family pictures today. Ohhh gosh :)
I won't be relieved until this week is over and I know what's happening.

We're pretty and sick. We're young and we're bored.

Today and been so amazing :)  I dyed Jammin's hair and I really like it :) We had such a good time in cosmetology and apparently me and him are exactly the same :) whatever that means ;) Even though there is a possible lice infection, I loved every second. And we named her lice-y so it's chill ;)
The rest of school was dull ;)
Then I got my feet burned again :| fml.
And I went to cafe rio with ben becca and the mumma :) good times.
Snackity snack on that ;)
This post suckssss :)

Hot english kid texted me ;)

Give me shivers all over.

Yesterday there was a crazy santa man in cosmetology right? Like wayy crazy, with his own personal radio and everything. He even had this huge old hat. And for some reason, I can't get him off my mind :|
Cosmetology was amazing today though :) Kercee told us about 'the most exciting thing in her life' which was meeting new zealand boys in walmart :) crazy girl :) that started the boy conversations at out 'soup party' I just love all those girls so much :) they make meh happy :)
'Ms. Rockwell loses everything...' I turn around. There she is. This always happens to me.
Hot english kid flirted with me :) yehh. That's right. This could still happen ;) bahaha whatev
I've began to play little kid games. Including circle. I hit Eric. "IT CAN"T BE ABOVE THE WAIST!!!"
I love Eric :) I talk to him about wayy too many frivolous things. And it's crazy to try to straighten his hair ;) I'll get the hang of it :) I'm so glad I know him. 'You turned on my seat warmer! You love me!' :) 'I was worried you wouldn't make it home!' 'Adri you love me :) :)' Yeah, I honestly do Eric. You make me smile a whole bunch. And I love your long hair. I'm glad when we look in the mirror together you think we look good now. I've always thought we have. Thank you for coming to visit me again today.
Me and the mumma went to walmart :) there were kids everywhere :) they were so cute :) :) :) I can't wait to have kids :) Skye and Triton :)
I'm so sketchy :)
Eric about dog nail clippers 'These are broken. They won't open.'
'That's because the lock is on..'
my dad: 'That's weird, I thought all mexicans knew how to pick locks'
Racist father :)

'I've always wanted to learn how to do that.
What?
Look that good in a hoodie.'

My dear friends,

I love you all so much. SO much.
Lisa, Don't dwell on what happened to your house. I know it's hard not to think about it, but you're so much better than that. Everyone I talk to says how much they love you and how cute you are. I love you and I think that you're amazing. You always make me smile! And we've all got your back. We're going to make her feel like shit for messing with you. She won't even know what's hit her. I adore you, Lisa. And nothing is true what they wrote. You definitely are not a bitch, a whore, or anything else they said. You're gorgeous, amazing, smart, loved, and one of the nicest girls. Don't forget how many people have your back and love you.
Kira. I love you so much. I consider you one of my best friends. You know so much about me that no one else knows, and I trust you with everything. I know your heart hurts, and I know I can't make that stop. But I want you to know that I'm here for you and that I love you. Love will come back to you, find it's way right back into your life. And I know somehow this will benefit you and make you stronger. I know you can get through this because you're one of the strongest people that I know. You're amazing and absolutely stunning. I know you're dreams are going to come true. Just keep hoping. I wish I could give you amazing advice the way that you do for me. I love you.
Eric, ohh Eric. I know that there is a lot of crap going on in your life, and I know it's hard. But everything is going to be ok. I'm going to be your best friend through everything. Absolutely everything. I'm sorry I didn't stay up all night with you, but I would have if you would have wanted me to. I want to be there for you whenever you need me to be. Remember how I was singing Justin Beiber in the car? It applies here. :) little did you know, right ;) Just shout whenever, and I'll be there. It's true. You're such an amazing guy. You have so much going for you and you need to just believe. You need to trust in life a little. It will all be ok in the end. And I love you no matter what, unconditionally. Even if something crazy happened. You can always turn to me. I adore you.
Katie :) I know I'm not good at giving advice to you :/ and I'm sorry :( I know you don't think anything is going to get better and I know all I basically say back is 'give it time' but really, it will get better. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know it will. And in the meantime I'll be here for you. Because you've been my best friend for as long as I remember. You were my friend through my hippy days, my awkward puberty phase, and even through my high school years. Your car accident taught me so much, and the number one thing I learned is how much I don't want to lose you. I love you. I'll stand by you through every choice you make.
Mitchell. You know my love for you. And I hope you know that this friendship isn't gonna go anywhere. It's going to stay this way forever. You're so much stronger than everyone gives you credit for. Don't give up :) I love you so much.
Cosmetology girls, I'm so thankful that we've met. And for our soup parties in the break room and for the boy stories that we share. You guys no so much about me and I've grown to love each and every single one of you. Thank you for everything that you do for me. You guys are my strength. Cosmetology defines whether I'll have a great day or not. Thank you for making most of them good. You guys are true friends. xxxxx

i know you'll Make it through this and It's going to be ok. just Keep believing and never give up. i promise that you'll learn something from Everything. just don't lose hope. you are loved.

On the way to school today I saw the most gorgeous thing in the world. And it gave me hope. There was a part in the clouds, the only white part in the sky, and it was shaped exactly like the dove that means peace. I know this year is going to be amazing for me. The Skye sent me a sign.
Empathy. Empathy. Empathy.
I'm starting to believe again.

Every single night we try to get a little high on life.

Today has been amazing :)
Last night was bad though. Because it was just me and Trevor fighting. I know I went a little too far. But then he went even farther and he was a complete douche. Then of course Christelle had to stick her ugly witch nose into the whole mess. Come on.. are we in junior high here? You guys are supposed to be more mature than me... this is obviously not the case. But then Zak called me and I thought it was to bitch me out, but it wasn't. He's actually on my side. He hates Trevor with all his heart. It felt good to have at least one person on my side. It just felt nice to talk to him. It honestly made my entire day go by so much better than I thought it would. I love him so much and he's one of my best friends. I told him I was terrified that he would stop being my friend because of what I said to Trevor. But he told me he would never stop. Thank you, Zak. You're an amazing guy and an even better friend.
I missed my cosmetology girls so much! It was amazing to get back and see them. I tell them everything about my weekend and they just sit and listen and laugh. I adore them. It broke my heart to see sydney cry when she cut her hair and when she said she didn't like it. I really do think it looks good, sydney. You'll end up making the best of it, I know you.
'Julie, is your son hott?' Shows us picture. 'Oh my gosh I know him!'
As we have the phone, me, kercee, and megan take a picture of ourselves ;) bahaha
We're gonna have a slumber party Julie ;)
Kercee: 'It really bugs me when she calls you audrey' You're a true friend if that bugs you and I adore you. You're amazing. I'm going to miss them the most when I graduate.
Guys, I'm wearing the wrong underwear! ...just take it off...
I missed Kira so much!!! All of the childcare group really... They make me happy. And Kira is going to talk to hott english kid about me :| I'm so nervous! But I trust her :) I know she'll be subtle and won't make me look like a toolbag. I hope he likes me :) :) :)
Sarah says that every time she goes shopping she thinks of me. And I love that :) I love her so much. She makes me really happy :)
I got new extensions :) indian temple hair :) :) :) gunna wear it tomorrow.
I found out that Terance defended me even though I told him not to. I love him so much for that. I've never heard him swear until now. I think he really hates Trevor just for me.
I'm so tired and I've just been getting grumpier and grumpier. I'm sorry I'm such a douche :/
Eric, I love you so much. Thank you for listening to me even though I was slightly pissy. Thank you for supporting my evil, childish plan. You're an amazing friend to me. The only good thing Trevor did was take me to the game where I met you. Thank you for rescuing/stealing me from him. We'll be friends forever. I hope you're ok with that ;)
So now I need sleep. I love you all so much. So much. I appreciate everyone that's in my life.
xxxxxxx

I can't think of a good title :/

Today was seriously so much fun. I know I was dragging my feet to go, but it was a pretty good date. We didn't go bowling because the wait time was 40 minutes so we went to leatherbees instead. Then we played kinnect for a while which was also surprisingly fun. But the grand prize of the night was monopoly. Better worded, playing a full game of monopoly. That was one of my goals, check. I'm sorry to say that I lost though, but if I wouldn't have been stupid, then the game would never have ended! I bought a post office for $1,800. He made a profit of 1,700 there... good deal. He then went on to win the game.
Good night :)

Ta ta twenty ten :)

On the final day of the year, I would love to say I did something completely amazing or fulfilled a long dreamt dream. But I didn't. It was just a normal day. I went shopping because it was the last day of the victoria's secret sale (I think..) but I am now a proud owner of a bright pink bombshell. For special uses only ;) I mean like dances of course. And I always swore that leopard print bras were too slutty for my taste, but after two malls and nothing that quite pleased my eye in my size, I succumbed to the desire to just get a new bra, and bought the leopard print. I'm so scandalous! And I am now a 32 C :) that's right, c cup. The size I've always dreamed of being :) I'll consider that the highlight of my entire year, because that was like a dream come true ;)
I was a loser and didn't go to a party on new years eve. That's so cliche. I stayed home and ran for about an hour :) and around mile three I started to think. And I think I'm going to do clip in hair extensions again (groundbreaking thoughts, I know) because my weave is damaging my hair too much. And at this rate, if I keep sewing them in, by the time my hair is the length that I want it to be, then I'll just have to chop it off. So ta ta weave :) hello forty five minutes doing my hair in the morning :| it will be so worth it though :) because by this time next year, my hair will be a tiny bit longer than my 18'' extensions :) Clip ins :) except for maybe sweethearts :) idk I'll figure everything out :)
Me and my mumma watched the time square special. I usually don't. But I wanted to see Ke$ha perform. My mom kept suggesting that she isn't very good live, but I still think she did amazing. I think it's her presence that makes it good. I can't wait to see the hair and makeup at her show :) :) :)
I feel stupid even feeling this way, but like the rest of the world, the beginning of the year always makes me think a little too much. New starts just always feel good. I'm not going to waste my time with resolutions though because we all know they never work. But this year, nothing is going to get me down. The only goal... ok resolution, I have is no more crying at school. That may be fine and dandy for some people. But I'm Adriana Perschon and I don't do that. This year I'm just going to be happy. Because nothing can possibly be worse than 2010. Only five more months until graduation, then I'll be free. This year is going to be the one that changes everything :) I feel pretty good about it at this point :)
It's gonna gotta be good.