Don't you know who you are? You're my shooting star.

We sing, we dance, we bread.

I can't even think straight. I think it's a mixture between sleep deprivation and just being overwhelmed with life. I think I know why I felt the way that I felt though. I was just waiting for that defining moment. I know I could have just let it go to voicemail, but letting that happen wouldn't have been right. I needed to be there just to listen. We needed to cry together. But most of all we need to get through this. I know you think that I never look back to your letter, but I do almost every night. The folding lines are fuzzy and close to breaking through so each time I read it I have to be even more careful than the time before. And it still gets to me. My tears still come in the same places because I'm still not over the fact that you aren't here. And I even cry at some new parts because they aren't true anymore and they never will be. I want you to be here to watch me grow up. So you can see how many times I change my hair in a year and so you can see that my chest isn't emblazoned with hollister anymore. I want you to see what you've helped create. I'm trying so hard to get everything sorted out and to stop making the exact same mistakes. But you know me better than that. You know I still put people before me. You know that sometimes my smile is fake even though nobody else can tell. When you would look me in the eyes, I would feel it all the way down to my toes. I knew that nobody knew me more than you. But now I'm searching for something special. Not to replace you, not to push you aside, but to keep myself from crumbling. I know that this year is the year for learning what we are without each other. But I don't like what I'm finding at all. I'm weak. I'm a pushover. I let people alter my thinking. I’m not on top of the world anymore. But now I’m going to fight harder. I’m going to push back and make sure I get what I need out of life. I’ll keep my mind open, but always remember what I know is right. I’m going to be more like you. I know you think you aren’t a good example, mothers all around would agree, and sometimes I would. But no, that isn’t even close to being true. The mistakes that you make morphed you into the type of example that I’ve never know before. I’ve seen you struggle to walk against the current. And sometimes you get swept under, but do you have any idea how inspiring it was to see you fight to get back? You linger on the things you did wrong, but I look at how you make them right again. Because that’s what matters. That you know how to pick yourself back up, that you never give up, and that you never lose who you are. You’re my best friend. And I’m going to show this world who we are and what we’re made of. What hurts your heart hurts mine, what dwells in you mind never leaves mine, I’ll be right along side you as you struggle. When you fall, I’ll be there to catch you in the end. You’ll never touch that ground because you’re meant to fly, darling. Half my heart, wanna complete it?

My mind is swamped and it’s time to get it cleared. I need to figure out what I want. Then decide if it’s best for me. And I need to stop listening to the background noise of people’s opinions. It’s my life, so I’ll choose how it should be lived. And even if I do trip up, at least I’ll learn more about who I am. Who my real friends are and who aren't.

Word of advice: stop trying to make me mad, you’re just bugging me and looking slutty in the process. And you can stop lying to me too. Yeah that would be nice. Honesty, love and empathy are all I need.

Yeah, love you too.

I wish I could write inspiring things the way you do.