I know that I shouldn't feel bad for her because she completely screwed me over and took what I wanted, but I still care. Because I'm that stupid dumbass with compassion. Between her and him I was completely broken from recently being broken. And after talking to him, I know I should be gleeful and with that 'I told ya' attitude, but I'm not. The initial shock was a pretty big Ha, but now I just feel bad. I talked to Nate about it, because I feel like I can tell him a lot that I can't really tell anyone else. And because I can tell him because he isn't/never was in the drama and won't start more drama. And even he said that I shouldn't feel bad, shouldn't care, shouldn't feel that it matters. But god, imagine that being you. Give give give, losing so much, and him just changing his mind. I couldn't handle it. Feeling so in love (even though I know it wasn't love) and then have him decide that he has other feelings. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. I never want to have meaningless sex. That's why I'm going to be more careful with my heart, more hesitant, not quite so flingy. I'll learn to love with my brain as well as my entire heart. That way I don't get screwed over. I don't ever want what happened to her.
p.s. this probably isn't about who you think it. I guess it might as well be, but it isn't.
When I die, I want to be buried with a book of poems. I want the most romantic beautiful funeral. Not romantic as in love, but like the feeling. I'm sure that doesn't make sense at all to anyone though. This post is much too random, isn't it?
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