Im in love with my crazy beautiful life.

It's like an old best friend that I want out of my life, but they won't go away. Always pushing back into my life and never leaving. Always forced upon me and I can't look the other way. It's stress. It's control. It's wanting to be perfect. Nobody thinks that they could do it, but they can. There's a small place in our brain that would do it. Everyone has it. I never thought it would be me, but here I am. It's not what everyone thinks. It's not just for the reasons you would imagine. It's not the common cliche that health class teaches you. It's so much more than you know. More than the movies they show. And definitely more than the facts on the piece of paper they give you. It's a warping of the mind. Forcing you to over exaggerate everything. Every flaw, every mistake. It's something that just grows on to every list. The list of stress. The list of imperfections. You have to do it. It follows me. Tempting me at every moment. Almost always coming to the surface. Almost, but not quite. Because this time, I'm going to win. I'm not going to be controlled. I'm not going to be taken over. I will not succumb to my weakness. Not this time. That's what I need to keep telling myself as his words ring in my ears. Not now, and not because of him. I need to keep fighting. Even if that means that I won't always smile or that sometimes I'll just stand in front of a mirror. Sometimes I know I won't believe in myself. But ultimately I know that I'm going to make it. There are so many bigger priorities than this. My future, my family, my friends, my career, my heavenly father. It's not even worth it.
I sound emo. But this is a blessing, a trial I was trusted with to conquer. Wish me luck.