Your head is always over your heels, dumbarse

It's been two days, but it feels like years.

My day way wrecked a little bit. You can't just do that and expect me not to react. You're too indecisive and I don't know how to handle it anymore or even if I can take it. You make me crumble into pieces at least every other day and guess what I was already broken before you got to me. I don't want that anymore. I've been trying to fix myself again and then you just come on in and destroy the little bit that I had. You don't understand. I'm really not ok. I'm tired of being the one to try to keep the conversation going when all I want to do is cry. I have so much going on and I thought that you were the one thing I could rely on. I thought you would offer me stability, but things are just going downhill. Do I even mean anything to you other than someone will do what you want? You said you'd always have your shoulder there for me. But then you pulled away.

You do it every time you touch my hand, I feel it deep, it burns.

I miss you. And I love you. But I'm tired of everyone trying to tell me that I need to be with you. Because we both know that isn't what's right at the moment. We know what our own relationship needs and what it doesn't. So everyone on this planet, shove off, I know what I need. Right now I just need you to be my best friend because I've never had a best friend like you before. That song. It's playing right now. I still wonder about it everyday and its on my ipod more than I care to admit.

It's only you. It's you and when you're with me. I can't help but smile, I smile until it hurts.

God. I just miss you and me so much. Because of the way you made me feel special and like we were meant to be in that single moment doing the thing that we were doing. Sometimes I'll dream about you and I still get chills up my spine. I think I just miss the simplicity. And the love. The complete love that I can't find anywhere else no matter where I look. But I like what we're doing now.

I can't get over your smile, the way it makes me feel.

Why are you being so vague? And distant. You gave amazing advice and I need that so much right now. I need you to help me stop being lost. But you're disappearing. What's going on in your life? I helped you when you didn't have anyone, but now you're gone. Please come back. Just reach out because it feels like nobody does that for me anymore. I just need that one action to help me pull through. I love you in a special way. Or maybe I just need you in that way.

And I get to call you mine.

I'm really truly proud of you. You deserve what you got and I know you'll make next year amazing. That team is going to be something to be proud of. I'll go to your meets just to cheer for you because you always cheer for me. Thank you for always being on my side and listening and staying around. I'll always be there for you. You do everything for me. You're my best friend. I love you.

Oh yes I'm falling for you...

I'll do the whole happy thing later.