Darling, you can't cover up lies with those dark brown eyes

I've decided it's time for a change.Because I want to be the kind of person that people would miss if I died. I would want people that love me so much that they would frantically try to get a passport just to come to my funeral. I want people to look up to me and respect me. I want to be like Bob.

He had so much impact on people he hardly even knew. I met him, what, like once? And now here I want to be like him. I want to make an impact. I want to change people's lives and to just change the world. If people look at my grave and think how lucky it was that I was alive then I'll consider it as an accomplishment. I just don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be the funeral room that's empty and every eye is dry. I don't want my gravestone to later become cracked, broken, and without flowers. I want it to be the opposite. I just. I'm scared of dying. Not of the process or even of what will happen after, but of not even being missed. Of not making the dent in the world that I'm supposed to make. Of not fulfilling the mission that I was sent here to accomplish or not fulfilling it to it's most.

I need a change. Maybe to become something completely opposite of what I am now. I need to be more edgy and daring and carefree of what other people think. I need to do things because I know they are what is best not because of what everyone is saying. I need to believe in myself. Or at least that is where I need to start.

I had such a good young women's lesson today :) I just need to start building on the foundation and planting y testimony bulb by bulb. Because I'm part of the gospel. I'm part of the good news. I just need to start being able to see that. I need to start seeing myself in the gospel.

My dreams are all just too big for me. I need people that help me with them. I need people. I need someone to lean on.

I love you all Xxxx