These hands are meant to hold.

Today was the final day of summer seminary. And I thought it was a really good lesson. So much that at the ending statement I started crying. Pretty hardcore. And people noticed. This I know because immediately after the amen Eric came rushing over to give me a hug. It was a good cry though. Everything is good. I feel like today made stuff right again. Taya finally called me back. Seminary council made me happy. And someone even asked me for my number. Unfortunately.. he is a bit of a creep. First of all, he will only be a sophomore and is only 15. I can barely handle guys my own age, I don't think I could deal with a 15 year old. And secondly, he thinks I'm his 'dream girl' after one day of talking. I'm not even sure of his name.. and he doesn't know anything about me, so just grow up. And I don't appreciate being called sweetheart or sweetie by anyone that I do not like/even know. Please stop. And he could have at least had the courtesy to ask if I had a boyfriend instead of just assuming that I'm single. Oh and I wish he would stop trying to shove his death metal core into my face. Yeah I'll listen to some screamo, but only the pussy kind 'sweetheart' That's what I get for just trying to be a good nice person and a good council member...
'The world cup song made me think of you.' Every morning I woke up, listened to that song to get pumped and then watched soccer all day. I really haven't done anything this summer.' What a champ ;)
My crafty feeling did continue thank heavens :) I want to learn more about photography I think. And have my own photo shoot :)
I think my dreams are too big for me.
I just love life :)

Love can conquer all.

My envelope is full of too much love

I made an envelope today. Beat that. Even an engineer couldn't do it, but I could. What do you think that says about me ;)
I am absolutely sure that I want to be a personal stylist. That would combine all of my favorite elements. Yep, that would be pretty fun.
I seriously can't believe she stole my face wash though.. Seriously? You could have just asked.. But instead you went behind my back- no behind my tampons- and STOLE it?! Please get standards immediately. I'm now fearful of you staying in my house where all of my things are vulnerable to your sticky fingers. I guess I have alot of cleaning to do to ensure that all of my stuff stays mine.
Last night I had a slumber party all myself. A camp out if you will. It was quite lovely. The lightening was inspiring. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so artistic today. I would like to declare august as my artistic month and I do hope that this artistic mood continues.
I hope Ben's little school buddy doesn't come over again tomorrow :|
'Aj stop checking out the girls!' Ewww. I have greasy hair right now.. and yet the checking out continues... Man I'm just that good ;)
Last day of summer seminary tomorrow! I really want everybody to come :)

I'm losing you and it's effortless

Drinking austin's gatorade behind maria's back was definitely what made getting up worth it ;)
Bonding in the seminary council room :)
High drake texts continue :) [Sadly] I still adore it
'Marianne when can we have another party at your house?'
'Is my love your drug??'
I got checked out by like 19 guys at the library. I must have been the hottest girl there. I'm such a champ.
I don't remember like anything from today because the lightening distracted me.
I want to go to beauty school then fashion institute. I want to become a personal stylist.
Yes. That is all <3
xxxx

Tonight I tried to picture your beautiful face, but I only saw you frowning, darling

Today I painted a fence with my best friend :) I thought it was soo hard at first, but looking back, when the pictures fly through my head, it's all super cute memories. And I sort of got to know his brother today, and I found out that he's a pretty cool guy. My paint glove was super cool and will be in an amazing movie someday soon :)
Oh and when I woke up this morning with a million drunk texts and phone calls from Drake, I was [sadly] quite entertained by this. Meow. Me and my mom were just talking about the mass text you sent... and she could kind of make sense of it too :) Not too shabby, Drake, not too shabby.
Mall with Dylann. No guys to be found. 'You look like this kid eric walker!! Well, my name is Deric :)'
'Dylann Bby' ummm no.. spell it right Dylann!
I went to my first and last drug deal :) how shady! I felt so sly. But kind of had the nagging feeling that all cops could see right through my little act. You don't know me!
I'm starting to talk like I'm high all the time because Drake is at a constant high and texts me all day. I hope seminary students can't tell ;)
It's going to be a good day tomorrow :)

Hold on to Hope.

Cal-i-for-nia girls, we're undeniable ;)

Tuesday:
The drive there. My Terance playlist made me stay alive. Sleeping under all the stars. Goodness, the sky is gorgeous and just calls my name. Maybe it's God's way of trying to talk to me.
Wednesday:
Getting woken up insanely early by fighting dogs. 'Gotta pee' (trip) Neighbors have the cutest dogs in the world! Getting that cool blue swirly thing put in my hair :) hannah's friend is a retard.. I don't have an accent. Mutual. Gotta diiiig a little deeper!! My sisters keeper. Bonding with Mitchell. Always thinking about her.. we need to go see her
Thursday:
Errands. Camp food. Baby sitting. Have you ever just looked at a baby and wondered what it is going to grow up to be? If he'll grow up to be a douche bad or maybe even a loser. I guess you can only hope for the best. Seeing the new and the old all in one day. Seeing a new life and seeing another end. The time is the right time though.
Friday:
Waking up to a crazy dream about indians and youth conference. I wonder what it meant :) Watching wedding videos and feeling very happy :) eating at chipotle for the first time.. cafe rio is so much better :) Going to a swim meet and cheering my lungs out for everyone's kids. Concerts prepared me for that. I can't wait to do that for Mitchell, captain of taylorsville swim :) such a late night though!
Saturday:
More errands. Costco samples for lunch. Hannah worked again. But I got my prom dress fabric :) gunna be a mermaid :) I need black lace. Dollar store crapp. Going to get my own minky blanket :) :) the nice guy at f&m gave me a smiley sticker. Icecream at riteaid?! People go on dates there?? I was not expecting the crunch! Half bakedd :) Adventure bag :) Rain dance :) valentines day :) ps I love you... jk bed time
Sunday:
Mormon mom blonde.
I am his daughter. Lovely bones. Dig a little deeper!  (paper thrown) GRRR (bell rings) ahh
Finally my own blanket :)
Monday:
Playing in the water :) all day. Franklin ate John!!! Being little kids is the best. Snow cones.
"can I get a suicide?' "we don't do that anymore.." That's odd because my friend that worked here yesterday said you did.. So we made out own :) Lemon juice, lime juice, koolaide squeeze plus three packets, sugar and ice :) mmmm. Cornrows :) woof :) Annoying children. 'You're pretty. You look like snow white' Yeah sure.. umm I'm blonde and ish tan. So she puts on her costume and gets all up in my groll.. Monty's 'Secret' whatever you silly boy  How would I carry my avalayanche?? Sayummm Chris-tin hanah
Tuesday:
Off to camp. River rafting :)
Did you know I found a dead body here?! Gross..
Five foot jump :)
There are cows here!! ok this is sorta just like everyones back yard in utah..
Wednesday:
Crazy long hike. Starting to be friends with 'pretty girl' Ashlyn.
I won't accept anything less than the temple and I'm never going to apologize for that. My family will be eternal.
Thursday:
Another hikeee. Seriously?? Huge thunder and lightning storm. Freakingg out with Hannah :) Ashlyn made it all better basically though. I pretty much love that girl.
Friday:
Car sick. Cornrows outt
Lazy boring time. Solo letters. Love mi familia
[crappy testimony meeting] shh
Saturday:
Finally leaving!!! Technology! Good bathrooms! No more stupid songs :)
Sunday:
I'm a horrible person on the stand. Even in front of your whole church I will make faces, noises, and stick my tongue out. Don't get mad because I sing loudly (not well) and say ayymen with passion. I have a testimony and I'm there. Accept it. Nancy drew. Cinderella story. Mary kate and ashley olsen movie. It's a boy girl thing :) I am sam. Soo sad! syrup water bottle
Monday:
Hurricane harbor and hotel :)
Tuesday:
ronald reagan library. Freezing cold beach! Inceptus!!! 'They come here to sleep? No, they come here to wake up' Coolest, trippiest movie ever. Freaking power outage. How annoying.
Wednesday:
Home :) crappy passenger next me.
Airport :( sorry I yelled at you, random man.
Thursday:
Summer seminary :) being part of the lesson. For some reason now Bailey wants to be my friend again after not being there for me when I could have used someone. Thanks for thinking that my calling makes me perfect..
'My body tightens itself really fast' (runs)
Next day: 'Oh wow.. it does... darn you!'
Friday:
Bens stupid friend over alll day!
Got black lace with mumma
Free new battery :) shopping with Jammin.
Crappy night with Eric..
Dylann is an amazing guy. I love him.

Love Exists.

More than anyone else could ever know..

Starvation is exactly what I needed. I didn't want to go, but now that it's over, I'm so overwhelmingly grateful that I went.
It was the first time that I actually got to know Tracy, and now I can officially say that she is completely amazing :) she's such an inspiration to me and she gave me some really good advice. You can just tell that her and Ryan are in love, with every action and with every movement, you could tell. And I'm going to look for something like that.
On the water at sunset, you can't help but feel inspired and it would be impossible to not feel like a poet or even an artist. It's nights like that that help me feel of god's love for me. The water, the sun, the moon, the sky. It was gorgeous. I hope I never forget that feeling. On the water, you feel so delicate and I'm sure it's the most graceful that I'll ever be in my life. When I close my eyes, I still see it, and I pray that it will always be there.
Today my best friend something that really changed my ways of thinking. So maybe I lied to you and said that it didn't, but it did.. It helped me see how strong our bond of friendship is and how that will never change or go away. We're in this together and I always will be. I'm not going to leave you under any circumstance and I'm always going to be on your side. I love you with all my heart and soul. Today helped me to fully comprehend that.
Friday night helped me realize something else. You're just a waste of my time. You're a self-righteous douche bag. You make mistakes too, stop acting like you don't. And guess what.. I have a bangin body. And I love it. I love my curves and yeah I even love the way that some of my bones stick out. Sorry if that might seem 'Unhealthy and unnatural' You're an idiot. Heavenly Father blessed me with this body and I'll take it how it is. You must be blind if you can't see, you'll miss me till the day you die.
Mitchell and Dylann helped me through it all. Thanks for being my anchors through the whole childish thing. You guys are the best. I'm eternally thankful for what you guys did for me. You were there for me even when my own sister wasn't. Maybe soon she'll remember that family is forever and that guy won't be. All I can do is pray that she doesn't get hurt again. I miss the real her. She's too good to be doing this to herself.
Mom, I love you. Everything is worth it in the end. Heavenly Father confirmed this to me. I know you're doing the best you can, and it is good enough. You'll always be my very best friend. I know you'll always be there for me to cry on your shoulder, but I want you to know that the same goes for you. I'll be your crutch-literally.. until you stop limping ;)
My mumma is so much cooler than yours. Even if she doesn't play halo like some people's crazy mom..

I'll be just fine pretending I'm not

Sue is my hero.

Thank the Lord for the amazing friends that I have.

Off to starvation.

I guess I'll do a huge post about California later :)

Xoxo, j.

Don't believe what they say about happiness because nothing feels better than crying these days

I just read about a dream that seriously made me cry. Just hearing about it. I think that it said everything about our friendship. The most vivid dream I ever had was about you too.

I never posted it even though I always meant to..

It was when I was at girls camp. And in my dream I was sitting around the campfire talking to everybody. And all those little sparks were flying all around me, but I wasn't scared at all. But one of them landed on my head and caught my hair on fire, but only half of it. I blacked out and then the next thing I knew I was at the doctors. And he told me that there was too much scarring for my hair to ever grow back. And I couldn't stop crying because I knew that everyones favorite thing about me was my hair. But, Mitchell, when you came into the room and saw me crying you just came and sat with me and held me hand. Then I asked you if I was still pretty and you answered by telling me that I wasn't, I was still beautiful. That made me cry even more, but because it showed what an amazing friend you are. And when I woke up, I really was crying.

I love you so much, Mitchell. You're the most amazing guy in the entire world.

I can't wait to come back just to see you again.

I just don't know who I am without you

Why am I doing this?

I can't do this.

I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid.

I don't think I'll make it.

I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid.

This isn't what I signed up for.

I should not have put myself in this situation.

I can not do this.

I'm freaking my freak and nobody is even here.

'Baby please don't go to california..'

Sweetheart, you're making this so much harder for me.

What if he gets phone privileges when I don't have service? What if I'm the one who never answers the phone this time?

Dixon, please don't hate me. I love you with all my heart. I want to stay for you.

What if everything has changed when I get back?

I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid.

I just want to stay here and tell my secret :(

Please pray for me.

I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid.

Can I tell you a secret?

I want to wear your sweatshirt to bed so I can smell you all night, watch scary movies with you so I have an excuse to grab your arm, talk on the phone until sunrise so we can say stupid sleep deprived things together, sneak out at night to look at the stars together, play your favorite video games, make you watch my favorite chick flicks, share a kiss in the rain so that when the romance starts to make me cry you can't tell, go on pointless walks with you, laugh my real laugh until I can't breathe anymore, hold your hand so long that mine feels weird when it isn't intertwined with yours, go to all the football games with you, slow dance with you at my senior prom, write our names in the sand together, smile at all the texts you send me, talk about life. I want to fall hopelessly in love with you.

Again.

And I know it's confusing, but nothing worth losing..

Shopping with Zak and Zacho :)

The man at pacsun that remembered my name hardcore..

Having an amazing phone conversation with zakary for a couple of hours :)

Grateful for Dylann and Mitchell.

'Adri, are you thirsty?' Yesss :)

Lets go read tampon box facts :)

Step brothers

'They called me anal girl... because I was so strict'

"Are they together? They want to be..."

Eisenhowers old librarian... without a bra on :|

Lifegaurd that looked like Eric :)

Trying to hide from Dylann in the tunnel :)

"Your boobs have definitely gotten bigger since the beginning of the year" :) :) :)

'Thats a girl car!'' SHHHH!

THROW THE BREAD!

Much fun :)

But I aint complaining, we all wanna be famous

Lets jump at the same time :) one..two..three... lol jayy kayy I can't do it :)

You guys didn't bring food?! You were being serious?!

Creepy lady at the fence :) little boy head that just POPS up :)

No shoes. No shirt.

SHORTS?!

White people put this on a table and eat off of it..

TURN ON THE LIGHTS TURN ON THE LIGHTS! I'm calling my mom! ...calm down!

Fricken Rosie.

Asians are horrible to watch movie with!

Lets go... swim again :)

Xyra tells :/

Good night :) miss cambry :)

I need you more than you need you

So there I am peacefully sleeping away the morning :) BUUUZZZZ. So I'm like, oh a text, I'll read it later because I'm mothertrucking tired. BUUUUZZZ. It's not a text :|

'Hullo'

'Adri... blah blah sniffle sniffle cry cry blubber blubber snifffle!'

"..Uhhuh...yeh...mmmhmmm...oh wow..'

After ten excruciating minutes of wishing I could continue my sleeping pattern...

'Hi, I'm Adri. I pms hardcore when my bestfriend Drake calls me for advice.'

'Screw you, Drake' :)

Oh goodness I love my life :)

I wanna work at the swap-meat!