When in darkness, men see stars.

Sunday.

I hate how they always choose a song for the youth to sing that I have never heard before. That's my fave. I personally believe they should have ended with matt's talk, not scots because if anyone was really truly listening then they know that it was matts that truly came from the heart. I could feel his words and they really meant something. They weren't just some shallow words that sounded good together, they were real. And I'm grateful that I got to hear them...

I hate sunday school. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And I believe that Jasmin is a self centered bitch (sorry, it had to be said.) that needs to grow up and learn some manners. Seriously? Are you that petty that you had to leave the room when she started to speak? Sure, I don't like her much either, but at least I have some tolerance and respect for her. God chose her to lead us for a reason. Maybe we don't know what that is yet, but that just gives us all the more reason to wait and find out. Obviously, you have little faith in god if you can't respect and trust his decision to bring her into this calling. You make me sick. I so badly want to come and talk to you, but I know I would end up yelling and my mouth would be cluttered with profanity because you disgust me so much. I hope your parents are aware of how much they screwed up when they were raising you. They have no reason to be proud.

I can't stop thinking about her. And I didn't know why. Then I saw the status. Two months. It feels so much longer than that, but at the same time, not that long ago at all. When I came into contact with anything related to her, I felt a spark. Reminding me that she was real and not just someone that I dream about all the time. Seeing that me and her had the same sweater at one point made it real, that she was a normal person like me who liked to shop at normal places. When her math book was returned and I was taking it to the back room, I had to look inside to see her name written down. To see her handwriting and to feel like I knew her more than I did. I know I didn't know her nearly as well as some other people did, but I do know her. And every time I passed her locker, I would always stare. And I so much wanted to write my goodbye on it too, but I was too afraid. Just like how I was too afraid to get to know her very well. She told me I was nice and that she liked me. That still haunts me sometimes. She told me not to bleach my hair, and I know that because of that I never will. I know I have no reason to be sad that she died, but I have every reason to be sad. Because I knew her, because I didn't know her. Because she was so young and it made me realized that god can take you at any time. That it doesn't matter how good or bad of a person you are you can still leave this world at any time. She made me want to be a better person because I want to be remembered the way that I know she'll always be remembered. I want to be honored the way she was and I want to make the kind of difference in lives the way that she did with so many. Kaitlyn, I need to say thank you. For changing me in ways that I know nobody else would ever have been able to. I know that everything will be ok for you now. I know that you'll always be happy and never feel pain again. And I know that one day I'll be able to see you again. I hope you dance.

Xxxxx