I can't even begin to explain what it was like to see him again. I felt happy again. I felt at peace. And like finally something was right.
He's always gonna be my best friend. 13 years <3

My sadly true life

I don't just want to make love, I want to make love last.

Hey baby, thank you for helping this morning so much. Thank you for hugging me on my bathroom floor while I cried my heart out. Thank you for telling me it's all ok, when everything felt like it wasn't. Thank you for offering to shave your hair for me, just to make me feel less ugly. Thank you for being exactly what I needed you to be. I love you so much and I couldn't be without you.
Today was rough. You know those days when you wake up and everything feels wrong? When every hair is out of place and your face has exploded in zits? When your car won't start and you're already running late? Today was that day. Thank god for the friends that make things better.
Had a weave today, which I did alright. But still the concept of it made it awful :| Robin's partner came in today and they were SO freaking cute!!!!!!! They just had so much love for each other and they just had that thing. That thing that where they'll grow old together and still love each other. They had that thing that the old people feeding the birds have!!!! I want that so bad. Maybe it will come along sometime soon. Or maybe I have that thing but don't know I have that thing!!!! I JUST WANT THAT THINGGG!!!!!!
It really bothers me how some people throw around the word 'love' like it means nothing. Love isn't just there, lust is. Love is built and formed and takes hard work. You ask if it's bad that you're in love. But you aren't. You're in love with the idea of being in love. That bothers me.
I'm just too grumpy. Hopefully soon I'll stop being so shitty at everything in life.

Divine chaos.

Today was so amazing, I can't even fully put it into words how amazing it was. I was scheduled with a client to do hair extensions which I was NOT happy about! Because extensions take like SEVEN GODDAMN HOURS TO DO! And then I saw the client and I was LIVID. She had the most atrocious hair I've ever seen and I was supposed to make it look good?? I was pissed. So then me and Sarah start to do the hair, and talking to the girl you can tell she has a really low self esteem. She put a relaxer in her hair a while ago and ruined her hair completely. It's patchy, frizzy, and extremely thing. A complete NIGHTMARE for extensions. But we get going and it's starting to really look good. This girl is a completely sweetheart though. She was telling us about how she doesn't go to school anymore because she's gotten made fun of so bad. Listening to her talk made me want her to have the best hair ever, because I want her to feel beautiful. Making conversation I told her I got made fun of a lot in junior high. The way she looked at me, like she couldn't imagine why, as if I was perfect, made me feel so sad. Because I'm sure she looked at me with my long blonde hair and my thin body and thought my life was perfect. I hated that she was envious of me, because I know people like me keep her back from loving herself. When we finally finished her hair though, I realized WHY I want to do hair for a living. This girl and her mom both started to cry, because they thought she was beautiful. This girl came in with such a low self esteem and she left feeling like a million dollars. It was the most amazing transformation I've ever seen. I wish everyone could have seen this. I hope she feels this beautiful for the rest of her life <3
I'm so thankful that I finally have a reason for what I want to do in life. I feel like God read my blog yesterday and blessed me with this feeling today.
I talked to Robin today in class, and this girl gives some of the best advice without even realizing it. I felt like I could honestly talk to her because she doesn't judge at all. I'm really glad she's in theory and overflow. One day I'll have to let her know how much I appreciate her.
It's been such a heartwarming day.

I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong.

Sometimes all I want to do is crawl into the arms of the person that knows me best. I still miss my best friend
Sarah tovar put in her two weeks. I don't know what I'm going to do without her at work. She's my work best friend. Now work is just going to be folding panties and no giggles. No singing no dancing no staring at hott Rosetta stone boy. Just folding panties. I'm going to miss her. Especially because she was always there for me. A literal shoulder to cry on. This staff isn't the one I started with at all.
I'm sad right now. It's weird when you listen to a song in the morning and then at night it can apply. #miserable at best
What's wrong with me? Why was today so hard? Why will tomorrow be hard and Friday even harder? Can I just hibernate for a year then come back and already be accomplished? Because it sucks trying to get there. Im so insecure about my future right now. Point A point C but no point B

Have you cried all your tears my dear sweet girl?

How convenient is it that I was wearing a dream catcher when I had one of the weirdest dreams I've ever had before? In my dream I was looking back on flashes of my life and seeing all these important things that I usually over look. I saw my mother's hands and everything they've done for me, they way they could comfort me so easily with just the slightest touch and the way that they could clean up any mess that's been created. I saw my dads cheek and the way he used to always rub it against mine when I was little because he knew it tickled me. I saw Ben's huge grin and the way it could always make my smile come out too. I heard the sound of Drake's laughter mixed with Mike's. I heard Terance singing his song and Dixon reading Walt Whitman. I could feel my puppy's ears, feel the softness and feel the comfort he brings to me. I saw my first kiss. I saw glitter and roses. I saw myself sitting under a tree with Eric and felt that same inspiration. I remembered the feeling of my first concert. I remembered Triton holding me while I cried. I remembered the one and only time Nik told me I was beautiful. I remembered my grandma walking me to elementary every day. I remembered my grandpa sleeping in his recliner. I remembered the conversation me and my mom had on the way to South Towne. I remembered Taya coming to my school and taking me out of physics. I remembered every love I've ever felt. I saw all these things that mattered that I'd forgotten about. In a way, I imagine that's what happens right before you die. You see and feel things that made you who you were, that formed your life into the movie you want to remember. 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

The weird thing about sleepovers is how much you bond. And it's really silly because you spend the majority of your time just sleeping beside them. Isn't that strange that you wake up and feel so much closer to them? Maybe it's because in the darkness that night brings, I start to talk about things that I don't talk about in the day time. It's like how I worry about things at night that don't even concern me in the day. It's those kind of thoughts and secrets that I share that allow us to bond. Maybe that's it, I guess. And because people learn to accept me even though I'll eat them out of house and home ;) pancakes and listening to the radio. Lounging around all day watching Mtv. So much that I even got extremely attached to a cheer team that I deemed as 'my' cheer team. Sometimes you just need a day spent in bed wearing pajamas and not doing your hair and makeup until it's time to actually be seen in public. I could almost feel the stress roll off me and feel my love for everything come back. We went and saw footloose and I really liked it. I want to take ballroom dancing classes! Any dance classes really! It was a good movie, but honestly, Kevin Bacon did it better. Yesterday was perfect and extremely needed. Thank you for the day. Thank you for being my best friend for what feels like my whole entire life <3