I pray for this heart to be unbroken.

This weekend has been a pretty good one :) Friday night was way fun and saturday was a well deserved day of rest :) Robin and Kira came to try on some dresses :) and I really hope that somehow at least one of them was able to work :)
Today was pretty good :) I went to the mall to look for some new makeup for sweethearts :) silver sparkles is the winner :) I'll have to go back tomorrow to get it :) and Pocahantas messaged me on facebook and I'll be babysitting for her on monday and tuesday :) then I have the cosmetology open house the rest of the week :) I'm pretty excited to be honest :) it will be such a busy week and I love that :) me and Eric went to memory grove today and it was really fun :) we had our very own little picnic and then we just walked around. It was kind of cool seeing all of the names and everything. Then we found this super sketchy dangly thing in a tree. And I took it. At first I didn't think anything of it though. It had a picture of a warrior thing on the front and on the back it said 'we don't need another hero' so I was just like that's weird. Then we went to this platform stage thing that he had told me about. Apparently Kevin Carrington had seen some devil worshippers there before, so I was excited to see it. But then I just got creeped out... because there were like upside down crosses and stars everywhere around there. So then I looked at that dangly tree thing (which for some stupid reason I had decided to put on my wrist) and it suddenly seemed demonic! 'We don't need another hero'?! Wtf does that mean??? But of course I still had to take it so I can do research on it! :) so then I officially got creeped out and automatically started thinking about getting possessed and I decided that it was too cold and I wanted to leave :) and on the way back to the car we saw a stick figure person in the rocks :| This of course reminded me of the blair witch project :| this grove thing was just a little too sketch for me. I want to go back when it's warm though and hopefully when my feet feel better so I can actually hike some of the trails and look at all the plaques and stuff. I'm a little nerdy for even saying how much I want to read the plaques... But I do! Anyways, so far I'm not possessed and I hope it stays that way! I wouldn't even know how to go about getting rid of a demon :| It's too close to bed time to even think about this :|
I can't wait for the week to begin :) bring it on :) I hope I can find time to get my nails done...
'Even though sometimes your bff makes you say wtf, they always make you feel richer than ever' <3 Drake :)

Good lord I suck at blogging these days :|

Keep your eyes locked on mine and let the music be your guide

So about that play yesterday... WOOF! What a joke! It was long and boring with terrible accents. It was just awful... awful!
Today on the bus Sarah really inspired me. She told me about how her and Nathan broke up and how it was because she knew he couldn't take her to the temple and how that's what she wants. She was crying the entire time, but I really respect what she did. It took so much faith to do that. I know she'll be blessed in the long run and that it will be worth it :)

I had a really good time with Eric and his family tonight :) it was really simple, but it was so much fun :) we watched the blair witch project (which was pretty stupid to be honest...) and ate betos :) then we played garage band for the rest of the night :) if only I was good at the drums.... It was still a really good night :) we ended by singing at the top of our lungs all the way home :) it was nice :) I was very happy :) very very happy :) I really like going over to his house just because his family is so chill :)

I can't be bothered with any more typing. I'm already basically falling asleep because I'm so cool...

I went to another seminary council meeting :) I'm so proud of myself for going :)

This whole world has no idea what to do with us.

i just think they're beautiful ok?

Today I'm going to blog a little earlier than usual :) this is to test my theory that maybe this will decrease my spelling and grammar mistakes ;) we'll see :)
Today has been crazyyy up and down. In cosmetology today Kercee lost her ring. Or it was stolen. I'm not sure, but either way it made me sick to my stomach. If someone stole it, I wish they would just give it back. We aren't children. This isn't just a stupid ring to her, it has sentimental value. I almost cried when I saw her even tearing up. Her poor boyfriend is probably going to feel so awful that she doesn't have it anymore. I really hope that it turns up soon. I feel awful for her. I just care about people so easily. She's done so much for me and I keep telling myself to tell her how much she means to me, but lately I've been feeling so shy. My whole personality has changed around. And I don't know if I like it. I've just been so to myself about everything. I just need to talk to Taya :(
Seminary was very nice today :) I sluffed fourth and even went to it again because I'm that cool. We talked about the priesthood and it was really cool :) But in fourth period that C.J kid was there. And he kept staring at me. I don't know if it's because he knows who I am or because I looked really good today ;) right in the middle of the lesson Eric surprised me with a happy meal :) :) :) and it had the rainbow dash toy!!!! :) :) :) he is so adorable!!! It made me smile so big :) He's so sweet to me sometimes :) then me and him went and got a new straightener at sally's :) he was so excited :) and we stopped at walmart to get him new deodorant :) he smells like himself again!! :) made me happy :) we hung out for a little, but then he left to go donate plasma :)
Lynnsee messaged me on facebook saying she misses me and that she's sorry for everything that she has done to hurt me. I don't know what to do. But lately I've been really missing her too. I don't know. I'll think about it tonight I guess.
I'm so excited for school to be over soon :) it's going to come so fast :)
'Are you excited?
Yes :)
Why :)
well it's not because I like school dances so it must have something to do with you :)'
Awww so cute :)
I'm just bare haps :)
I'm off to the play now so I'll blog about that tomorrow :)

'Can we come hot rubbing?'
I meant hot tubbing ok?!

Exploring the madness.

Cosmetology is nom nom nom :) we didn't find out the winners of skills, but we will tomorrow :) We talked about great things today :) and jersey shore girl had some gossip about Clayton, the guy that Kercee talked to. But I know she'll make the right decision and that she won't get hurt :)

So I'm soaking my feet right now :) then I saw my phone clear across the room :| 'Mom mleh mleh mleh!!!' 'You know you're just a brat!'

me (crying): 'my life sucks'

Eric: 'There are people worse off then you out there'

'I don't care about them! I care about me!!!'

'You're a selfish bitch!' Made me laugh so hard :)

Me and Tina and Ashley went to lunch today at einsteins. And I got distracted by the hott bagle guy ;) bahaha :)

Mason's gone. Eric was sad. I know I'm a douche, but I don't care that he's gone :) I just care that Eric was sad. 

In english we were supposed to write poems.... no.... then we watched a way sad movie about the civil war and stuff. The saddest thing was just seeing the grown man cry. That's always so sad to me :/ When I saw my dad cry it broke my whole heart in two. When they cry that's when you know it must be really bad. By the way I DID come home and start right my poetry! I just couldn't write the one about looking up at something tall and talking to it... That's much much to embarrassing. Maybe later. Yeah right.

Eric came over see me tonight :) it was fun :) we didn't really do anything, but it just felt nice to sit with him. Tomorrow he's going to bring me a surprise for lunch :) :) :) so so so excited :)

I know I'm missing something about my day, but I can't think of it :) ohh well :)

Horse came over. She's obviously the reacher and Ben's the settler :| my poor brother. He needs to stop throwing her the hook too btw...

Happy. Happy. Happy.

Even if it's alone.

My road trip was quite fabulous in many ways :) I feel extremely close to Kercee after everything that happened and everything that we talked about. It was nice to be able to talk to her so much and so openly. Our slumber party took place on friday where we watched this really lame movie about a horse and then her friend stayed until like two in the morning whining about his love life, but earlier that night we had gotten a giant cookie icecream thing so it was worth it :) it was the cutest little pizza place :) I can see how Kercee thought it was super romantic. Magna main street is actually super adorable altogether :) and I got to see the infamous baseball field :) we left bright and early on saturday and Kercee's mom drove like such a madwoman that we got there in no time :) cheetos=breakfast of champions. I went to a rodeo for the first time :) :) :) it was an interesting experience to say in the least. I got made fun of quite a bit for my lack of knowledge :| but it was still awesome to see. And if you're looking for the place to see the most buckle jeans in the world... got to a rodeo :) That night Cooper and Tyler came over to the room. And all Cooper wanted to do was drink. So we ended up playing kings cups. Me and Kercee didn't drink, she was partnered with cooper and I was with Tyler. So they would drink for us. Basically they were just constantly drinking... Then cooper made the rule that if we said 'you' then we would have to take something off. That shut me up real quick. I didn't approve of that. Kercee was just down to her adorable little panties though ;) but around midnight Tyler had to leave. Cooper didn't want to though, so we let him stay. Then at like two thirty we had to sneak out to take him to his hotel :) adventurous... and scandalous :) him and Kercee ended up making out :) She's so funny :) That night in the room above us the couple got in a really bad fight. It was so scary. And Kercee told me about how it wasn't a happy place and how her mom and dad got in a fight on vacation once and almost divorced. It's weird, but her family wasn't real until that moment. I'm really glad she told me. On sunday we went to the hairshow and it was pretty sweet :) not what we expected, but it was still interesting :) then Kercee's boyfriend came down to see her. It made me feel so lonely to see them together. And my self esteem took a terrible fall. I just felt gross and hideous. It wasn't my best point. On monday we had to leave our beautiful sunshine though :( and we came home. We didn't even sleep on the way back ;) I was wayy happy to be home, but then Eric came over and it just went down hill. We got in a huge fight about a misunderstanding and it was stupid. I walked away and he didn't follow me. My mom had to open the door to a crying, snot nosed daughter. My dad thought it was about him 'pressuring me into something I didn't want to do' but it honestly wasn't. It was just me having a low self esteem and him making it worse. I feel asleep thinking awful things about myself.
Today was the skills competition. Me and Kercee did pretty well I think. It looked really cute even if we don't win :) and Jaylynn told us some stories about her and her boyfriend. And it made me hate camille ipson just a little but more for her. Seminary was alright. I feel like it's my duty to keep Ryan awake and learning. But maybe I'm just being a freak. I really like talking to Thane though because he's way chill and he's super nice. He makes me feel really good about myself. I went home for lunch because I forgot my socks and needed more tampons. It felt so good to get away from school. Aerobics was alright. My feet are in constant despair though :/ After school Eric called me and we went and saw the rite. It was such a good movie :) I'm so glad that I went and saw it :) It was so sketchy though! But it was a really amazing movie and talked about god in some of the coolest ways :) I really enjoyed it ok :) but then me and Eric started fighting again :/ because it's period week and I get grumpy. And he joked about getting back with Rachel. And I know it's just a joke, but it bothered me so much. Then I saw that they really are talking again. And he blamed me for it because he didn't have anyone to turn to yesterday. I hate her. No wonder she was staring at me today. Because she knows she could steal him at any second just to make me miserable 'She wouldn't do that' I wouldn't put it past her she's been such a bitch to me. 'She just said thanks for recommending that book to her.' you asshole. That was my book. and you just gave it to her. I told you to read it for a reason. Because it made me think of you and I wanted you to understand some things. But you obviously didn't care enough to keep it an us thing. You had to bring that little whore into it. And I don't care if she has a boyfriend. She's cheated before. For you and on you. But she never gave you a reason not to trust her. Of course not. Not perfect little Rachel. I wish she would just die. But then it would just make me hate her more to see you cry over her dead body.  I just want her out of the picture. It shouldn't be that difficult! Why won't you let go?! And now you won't text back because you're best friend in leaving for two years tomorrow. If he's your best friend then why didn't you turn to HIM yesterday?! Or better yet, why didn't you text ME so we could work it out?
I hate period week.
it was my book. and you don't even understand why that makes me upset that you told her