If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now.

This would only happen to me. I'm at the library today, right? Just hurrying along because I have other shit to do when BAM some jerkoff runs into me. Some jerkoff named masturbating Mark!!! (The guy that would come EVERY week to have me shave him and would then jack off under my cape. The guy that got arrested!!!!) So he hugs me. He. Hugs. Me. GET HOT WATER. GET SOME DISINFECTANT. GET SOME IODINE!!!! Then I pretend to be sad that he never comes to see me anymore, and I'm so good at being fake genuine that I'm afraid he might actually come back. I hate my life. But then that hot library kid that I met last year was there too. That was awkward. I couldn't remember his name and he couldn't remember mine and it was just like 'ohhhh hey, fancy seeing you here' pretty much; I'm paraphrasing. Obviously. 

My days have just been filled with embarrassment. So in class the other day we were listening to the radio and the Dido song 'thank you' came on. And being an Eminem fan, I couldn't resist.

 Dear Mister "I'm Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans"

Unfortunately they didn't understand my humor. I hate when people don't understand how funny I am.

Drake: Baby, can't you miss one day of class to come swimming with me? My body is just too hot to let it go to waste. And yours is alright too.

I love him.