Autumns yours and mine tonight

Today has had too many emotions so it makes my head hurt.

But I'm ok now :) because this kid just showed up on my doorstep and helped my night be better.

Zak has saved my life a few times here and there to be honest. And I'm really lucky to have him as a friend.

I want to write deep words that will impress you, but nothing is coming to me. I'm just blank. But a good kind of blank. Because for the first time in a long time depressing thoughts aren't clouding my mind. And that's a peaceful thing.

Next year, when I'm on seminary council, I'm not going to change and become like the people we make fun of. I'm going to stay like myself. Alot of people told me that it will be good for me, so I really hope that it will be. But Im going to stay real. I'm not going to pretend that I'm perfect, because I know that I'm far from it. And I'm not going to let there be a seminary Adri and a school Adri. There's just going to be me. And I'll be the same everywhere. I promise. And next year will be way amazing :) But you have to join the bowling team with me ;)

I'm already thinking about next years prom dress :) I want to look like a dark mermaid :)

I want to be j.

Correction: I am j.

I just found a new power in myself that I haven't felt in a really long time. This is going to turn into a new confidence. Not just in my appearance which is the only way that people usually think about confidence, but in my actions and in my decisions. I'm going to learn to trust myself. Because things are starting to get good again. I can feel it. I can feel in my bones that this is the start of something special and new and good. I'm going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok. I just needed a friend to show me that. Thank you. I owe you so much so stop saying sorry.

And I cheat... I'm really not the right one for this...

I don't know if I'll do a very good job next year

So I sent a strongly worded letter!

I don't know if I'm the right one...

I mean I dress immodestly daily, I love inappropriate jokes and my language isn't always the best, and I don't like most seminary kids. I don't know. But they said I am. So I guess we'll see

Don't wait another day

It's been a good day :)

But this is gonna be a crappy post :)

Iphone- I love you sweetie :)

Trevor made my day :)

I lovee my mommy and daddy and everyone else :)

The end. I'll write tomorrow. A good one.

I'm just asking you to love me

Tomorrow I'm 17.

That sounds too old to be me and now I'm scared.

I never meant to fall in love with you

It just hit me.

That this might not even fix anything.

It might even just make the whole thing worse.

And I really needed someone, but there wasn't anyone here because she was here.

I don't want her to be here anymore. And I told you that. But I didn't give you a reason so it didn't matter.

I was fully prepared to have a breakdown and cry on your shoulder. But I ended up crying by myself because you were a little tied up with her. And now your getting mad at me and telling me to just 'chill out'

You try to chill out when all you need is the exact people you can't have and when everything that could possibly happen, is happening. You chill out then, ok?

I'm scared for tomorrow, but I'm scared for now too because every second he isn't calling is a second that he might not even be here anymore. Either of them.

I'm a constant emotional wreck and I don't understand why this is all happening.

Please pray for me.

your words hit faster than bullets

Ohmy :) I had a blast from the past :) :) :) those were the days! Some children make my day. Warning: the following was not meant to be disclosed. But I felt that it should be because I think it's happy and certain people named Terance need to see it.

"-Adri you beast!

-Ayyy Dixon Baby :) how was church?

-Ehhh. It was a'ite

-You are unable to pull off 'a'ite' love. Did you go to all the meetings?

-One?

-Which one?

-The good one? God, I don't _____ know.

-Did you... eat bread?

-Yeah...

-That was sacrament :) any special feelings ;)

-Well, I got bored so I played tic tac toe halfway through :)

-How could Terance allow this?! Why did he not stop you?

-Adri... who do you think was playing with me...

-OMG! Terance? That dirty rat!

-I won :)

-Ugh! Next time you'll come with me and partake of the spirit!

-Oh. Well I felt the 'spirit' but after the bread I got BORED.

-Didn't you listen to the speakers?

-Kinda... they would have failed my speech class

-That's not the point...

-The music was the best part

-Are you just joshin?

-Nah Brah pure seriousness. You mormons sure can sing

-Did you sing?

-Eh. Not really. There was one song though about like being amazed and it was wonderful that Jesus died or something?

-Yeah...

-Well keep it hush hush (sorry for not keeping it hush hush Dixy poooo) but it made me almost cry

-How come?

-I don't know it just happened

-Don't worry I know what you mean...

-But this still doesn't mean I believe in your church!"

I love you. Be well now. Up and at 'em. Rise and shine, sweetie. California misses your ugly face tormenting them daily. But seriously. There's a girl in Utah that cries for you everyday and loves you more than anyone else.