And I could belong to the night.

These last two days have been great successes! :) Surprise birthday dinner with Eric and le gang :) even though the waiter was grumpy, it was really fun :) 'It's a RACK of ribs! Not a SLAB!' :)
new iPhone. It's my baby and I love it.
That's all :)

Girl you know I-I-I....

After all of the drama, all of the stress, and all of the excitement, today was pretty good. Because in the end it isn't about the presents or the money or how many people write on your facebook wall, but it's about knowing that you have family and friends that love you and are thankful that you were born. My favorite part is always laughing and joking with my family. My R2D2 cake was pretty epic and my mom did a phenomenal job, but it was more important just to have her with me. I love my new camera, but I love my family wayy more. I love my new panties and hat and all the other stuff, but I know what's really important and what isn't. Nineteen doesn't really matter. It's just another stupid number. I'm still exactly the same as I was yesterday. Maybe not the same as last year, but that has nothing to do with my age and more to do with life experiences. I wish it wasn't the phrase 'how old are you?' but maybe 'how much life experience have you had' 19 years of experience today, my friends.
Love love love.

It's almost birthday time, lovelies <3

My one mistake was that I never let you down.

Well, I am absolutely emotionally spent after today. They had the meeting today about our program being cancelled and they said that it's final. We'll have a year to finish in our own building after that it's kinda pretty slim that you'll even graduate. Fall semester I guess that means I'll be going to school full time. No jobs for me. Everyone was really upset about this decision. Britney was yelling and crying and all of our teachers were extremely upset. And I don't blame them at all. But honestly all of the emotions wore off on me and I just felt so overwhelmed. But the last two days I've had women come in for haircuts that pretty much give me a free for all on their hair and it's turned out amazing :) both times I've gotten fantastic feedback on their cut and stylings :) I feel very good about myself for having that artistic edge with my shears :)
after school I stopped by fashion place to use my free panty coupon and I was pretty nervous to go back after ditching my last three shifts, but it was a good time. I talked to Rochelle and Strayley and Ondrea and I felt good that I was still slightly remembered there. The whole staff is pretty new and their having a job fair tomorrow (I laugh. Only terrible work places have job fairs. Victoria's secret can go to hell) I got bra fitted again and thank the lord I'm still a D cup :) When I walked outside the store though I vendor asked me if I could answer two questions for him. I said yes and asked me if it was about his products (lets be honest, he was a vendor, and I wasn't interested in being trapped into a selling conversation for thirty minutes) he shook his head no. 'Do you have a boyfriend.' Automatically without thinking I said yes. 'Well, you are very beautiful and I hope that you're boyfriend knows that he is a very lucky guy. It was very nice to meet you.' He shook my hand and I left feeling extremely happy about myself :) People like him just give you that little boost of confidence and self esteem :)
An emotional day, but good nonetheless. Also quite excited for my birthday <3

Be brave my sweet love, be as brave as you can.

Today has been quite awful to say in the least. I went to school today to discover that the barbering/cosmetology program is going to be discontinued. They'll allow us two years to finish up and get our hours finished, but they won't be accepting any new students. I'm quite upset about all this. Yes, I get to finish, but I wanted to go on to do master esthetics. And now I'm not going to be able to. My education is being cut short because of this and as a result, my career is going to be cut. My opportunity was taken away from me. I'm aware that there are other schools that I can go to so that I can receive that extra schooling, but those are private schools. And private schools are more expensive, they aren't as experienced as the program at Slcc, and even if I did go to it my hours might not even be accepted there. I would have to start all over again in their orientation, or if they did accept my hours, I would have to pay more to keep them. And I would probably have to buy their personal kits because they wouldn't accept mine. Overall, it's out of the question to further my schooling because the Slcc program is shutting down. There are also rumors that all the trades are going to be done away with. That would include mechanics, culinary arts, barbering and cosmetology, and the fashion program. I was going to go to the fashion program after I'm done with my 2,000 hours. If they cut that, then my entire career path has to be reevaluated and changed. Completely. With this one decision that the president of my school has made, my entire life could be changed. I can deal without master esthetics, but without fashion school, everything will have to be changed. After all these years of dreaming of this, and as soon as I get close, it gets taken away from me right in front of my eyes. And it isn't fair. And what about people like Britney who have literally made an exact plan revolved around the trades at slcc. What if she can't take the mortician program like she's been planning? What happens to her then? Her life plan is as screwed as mine is. She could end up back on the streets because of that. And what about all the teachers. What about Ann who has been working her ass off to try to become a master barber teacher. That's just going to get taken away from her. Her entire ten year plan is going to be ruined. Sure, most of the teachers have other jobs as well, but that is still a part of their income that they won't have anymore. I could see in all of their eyes how scared they are. They've all worked there for 15 to 25 years. And within the next two years that is going to be gone. I can't believe that they are letting this happen.
Then I came home and Tank ate some of my underwear. Of course it was one of my laciest, daintiest, most expensive pair. He has a knack for always picking the most expensive/limited edition ones. At least it wasn't my one with the swarvoski crystals on them. Not only were they $50, but he would probably choke and die on the crystals. And then I would have a super expensive bra with absolutely nothing to wear with. If he touches them, I'm getting rid of him. Promise.
Still just in shock about everything.

"Heyyyy, my druuummm!'


Also, you know you're super cool when you're watching sixteen and pregnant and realize that the man delivering her baby is your obgyn. That guy on tv, yeah, I know him. No biggie.

And when the wind does blow against the grain, you must follow your heart.

Lets discuss weekend events shall we? Saturday was incredibly long. But in the way that means you've crammed so much stuff into one day :) We went fourwheeling that day and Ben brought his girlfriend and everything and it was pretty fun. We went on this old cow trail that reminded me of Taya the entire time because we went on it with her the first time. I've been thinking about her so much lately. I don't want to say that she's making a mistake, but yeah, I think she's making a mistake. In my heart I know that she's marrying the wrong guy and it makes me sick. But anyways, we went to the top of this mountain where there are all these cell towers and stuff and it was absolutely stunning. It's always gorgeous to look down on the valley and see nothing but greens of fields and blues of water. I love going up to the top of things so you can look down at the full picture. Life is prettier that way. We went home after that, but as tradition goes, we went to cracker barrel after that. It was fun. We talked about Ben leaving and how sad it's going to be and everything, but I'm sure it will be a good thing. We weren't there for very long, but I was so wiped out from a day spent out in the sun exploring. Still though I was in the mood to see a movie. Specifically I was in the mood to see hunger games. Everyone was talking about it on facebook! And I thought it was a good book and everything so why not, right??? So when Eric got off work we went to see the hunger games. I was highly disappointed by the fashion and makeup/hair aspect of it. Honestly, I expected more from the capitol. MORE color, MORE unusual lines and designs. I just expected more. Too much maybe. It was oookkk, not the kind of movie I would buy, but if it was on netflix I would consider watching it. You know what I mean? But the movie was SO long that I didn't even get home until one. After THAT long of a day! I fell asleep almost instantly and slept quite solidly through the rest of the short night :)
Today was really fun though :) I went to the festival of colors and it was my first time ever going and I just had an absolute blast :) Even though we walked like two miles from the car to the temple, it was so fun. The walk was actually one of my favorite parts! The people throwing color at you while you hiked your way there and then on the way back you throw color at their perfectly white shirts :) it was an excellent walk :) I loved the drums. I loved the people. I loved having color thrown at me by random people. I loved the chalk dust everywhere. I loved the countdown and the rainbow we all threw into the air. I loved it ALL. Even having purple boogers was fun to an extent :) I've never danced in a sea of rainbow dust until today. It's like a magic dream with a million people :) I saw Brian blomsness there and that made me feel so old!!! I can't even describe the feeling of seeing someone you liked and just thinking 'lord that was a long time ago. I was so immature then' because honestly I was. That's back when I was in love with Triton and listened to screamo music (lord almighty) that's when I was most insecure and hated school. I had just gotten extensions. I had just started my blog. SO long ago. I guess I really like that feeling Brian gave me, that momentary flash back. Especially because things with him never ended badly. We never hated each other for stupid reasons. That's how it is with Zak too. Always friends even though you liked each other once. I wish it could always be that way. But whatever, such is life. ANYWAYS (tangent there...) we then ate a delicious dinner of shrimp pasta stuff that eric's mom made :) Life is very good. Especially after you take a shower to get all of the nasty off of you :)

Listen to the things that'll make you mine.

WELL. So last night I'm just reading before I go to bed, no big deal, just normal. But this book was CRAZY. It's about a little girl who gets taken by the french police because she's jewish, but because their french and not nazis, she thinks she'll be back in a couple hours so to 'protect' her brother she locks him in a cupboard! Needless to say, she doesn't come back in a couple hours and she goes to a concentration camp instead. But they separate the parents so there are only children in the camp, so this poor girl loses her parents and her brother in locked in a cupboard back in paris! So then she escapes and a nice old couple takes care of her and she tells them about her brother so they go back to paris to let him out. Being the naive person I am, I thought that maybe the brother would be saved by a neighbor or something. HE WASN'T. She goes back to her old house and opens the cupboard and there he is, ROTTEN and DEAD in the cupboard! I was disgusted and disturbed, so I kept reading because I thought that it would have a happy ending. IT DIDN'T! Sarah (the girl that killed her brother pretty much) gets super depressed, her parents are for sure dead, and she eventually leaves the old couple and goes to America. Then she gets married, has a kid, AND KILLS HERSELF. And she didn't even tell her husband or son anything about her past (aka, her brother dying in a CUPBOARD and her being in a concentration camp!) I was so disturbed by this book! I don't even know why (pah, only a heartless person wouldn't be. pahhh) but I was! Then I couldn't sleep because I was scared of little boys and cupboards and the dark and my back hurt!!! TERRIBLE night! Then today I'm like ah, I want to help people, I'm going to donate blood! NOPE. Adri's piercings are too new. Adri doesn't weigh enough. Adri isn't allowed to do good things! Pah. Then I lazily took a nap :)
Ben got the job. I can't decide whether to be happy or not. My mom has been tearing up since she heard. Why in idaho??? It's so far. And then he won't be baby bird anymore :( and tank will be lonely. and I'LL be lonely :( I'm gonna miss jammin. MY LIFE WILL BE OVER. Especially if he takes the boat with him.... ;)
Nate's mission farewell is next month! Is it childish that I'm already trying to decide what to wear?? (yes, I'm sure it is)
I suppose I should do something productive tomorrow, but I'm sure I won't.
My dad just discussed getting himself a blog. good lord.

Ten more days until my birthday! I'm SO excited :))

I hope Ben is having the most amazing time ever in Idaho and I hope his interview goes awesome even though I don't want him to move :( I love you, brosky. Good luck today :)

This one's for you, baby bird

This BETTER not be about Tank.

Times are hard for dreamers.

It's hard having a black eye and bruised legs you know. Add a program full of girls and it causes some petty rumors. On thursday I went to school early to print my resume on my fancy resume paper (courtesy of Eric) and I was wearing a skirt because I always get dolled up to turn in applications/resumes (even though this manager has seen me all gross and sweaty after tanning, but still..) but so all of my bruises were showing. And nobody has seen my legs after my accident, they've only seen my eye. So some girl that I don't know asks if my legs were bruised in the accident, so I said yes and I kept walking. But when I was walking away the girl next to her asked what happened to me. 'She said she was in a dirt biking accident, but I don't think so.' WHAT A BITCH. I'm not abused! I haven't been raped! And if I was that is NOT something you just gossip about!!! She's a filthy, nosy wench.
Although it's been fun this week saying that I'm in an abusive relationship and that I got into a fight and so on, I guess none of that is the full truth... So, yes, I was in an accident. No I wasn't raped or anything crazy even though my legs do look pretty nasty. I didn't break anything thankgod, I just came out with scratches and bruises. I screwed up the alignment of my spine and neck so I have to go to a chiropractor, but at least I wasn't paralyzed. It's the weirdest feeling ever to get hurt. Like you know it's coming, but your mind just erases the actual process. You see it about to happen and then all the sudden you're on the ground and you're in pain. It's a weird feeling because you don't scream immediately. Or at least I didn't. I waited for a minute, for someone to come and lift it off of me. But it was so heavy and everyone was taking so long to come. It was just a natural thing to think to myself 'they aren't coming. it's over now' I remember closing my eyes and giving up, but the next thing I knew, I was screaming for someone to come and help me. Being the vain creature I am, when Ben asked me if I was ok, I asked him if my face looked ok, if my hair looked ok (I could feel a scratch on my face so I pictured blood gushing and I was worried that my hair had gotten caught under the wheel and caused bald spots. vain, I am aware) but I went back thinking that I was just a bit bruised and I wanted to pop my back. Immediately though I had a bad headache. I'm ok though :) That night was super rough trying to fall asleep because my back and legs hurt so bad. I tossed and turned all night and in my post traumatic stress, I imagined that people were helping me through the whole night. I know my mom came in and did help a lot, but I felt like she was by my side every single time I turned even the slightest bit in my bed. I know she wasn't, but it felt like she watched over me the whole night. And I imagined that Drake was there and that he kept telling me how I should position my body and how I shouldn't so I didn't make my back even worse. I imagined that Eric was there and that he kept adjusting my blankets and my comforter so that the never fell off. And when I woke up in the morning, my back wasn't worse from sleeping and my blankets were still perfect. I know that they specifically weren't there, but I do believe that I had three special angels attending to me that night. I know in my heart I was getting taken care of that whole day. I know it's a cheesy thing to say, but I can't help myself. I've been going and having my back adjusted and I'm getting better everyday :) I can almost walk normal and not everyone notices my eye now. AND on Friday I was able to wear jeans for the first time :) it hurt like hell on my scratches, but I'm ready to be better now :)
Thank you for everyone that has helped me in any way :) I have the best friends and family in the entire world. Also, my puddle of a cuddly puppy got me through it all :) he's just my little black rain cloud :)
I've been feeling very crafty lately :) Ben: #crafts-r-gayy

I JUST WANT IT TO BE MY BIRTHDAY SO I CAN GET MY CAMERA. GAHHHHHHH.

My week can be summed up in five words: 'What happened to YOUR EYE???'
my answer:
You only live once <3

You know you're sick when:

You watch almost an entire season of gossip girl in one day.
Your puppy won't leave your side because he knows something is wrong.
You take like one million baths.
Your mommy makes you soup :)
Pizza makes you want to throw up.
Only ice-cream sounds good. So you make the boyfriend buy it and make sure that it has chunky bananas.
You don't finish the ice-cream the boyfriend bought you.
You black in and out of batman.
Sweats. No makeup. Greasy hair. Stunner.
Being sick is the bombbb.

Who didn't miss a single question on their midterm exam?
This chick.
Who got a Darth Maul lightsaber from their boyfriend?
This chick.
Who is growing out their bangs to look like taylor momsen?
This chick :(