My world is changing. I rearranging.

When I pulled blogger up, I had so much to say, but now I have so much to say that I can't say a word.
I just want to be out of school. I hate it so much. When I'm there I feel like I'm just surrounded by junior high kids. I hear Sarah talking about 'Love' she doesn't know what love is. How could she? She knew nothing about her ex boyfriend and every time a guy gets a little close to her, she realizes he has faults, and she's looking for perfection. I know she still believes in soulmates and that's stopping her from finding an amazing guy because she still keeps looking for one that is perfect. She expects to find him and suddenly have the self confidence she's always wanting. She doesn't realize that doesn't happen through loving a boy, it happens through loving herself. Then I'll hear her and Kenzie talking about singles ward and making fun of someone that went. How can you call yourself a Christian when you make fun of someone WHILE YOU ARE AT CHURCH. I thought you went to church to be a better person, not to judge the others there. I just want them to have a reality check that the world isn't about hott boys and cute hairstyles. It's about treating other people well and loving them and yourself for what is already there. I just feel like when I'm around them all I feel is hate. They make me feel like I'm not enough and that I'm less than them. Around two church going christians shouldn't I be feeling the spirit of the lord? Isn't it funny that I get comments from people all the time saying they see the spirit in my eyes? Me the girl that carries a lighter and shows off too much leg. What they're seeing isn't the spirit of the Lord, it's just a girl that's trying to get by in the world in a positive loving manner. I don't think I'll ever really start getting into the whole church thing again. I've had too many people make me doubt things. They always say that the church is perfect, but the people aren't. So why do I have to go to church? Can't I just be at home learning about the perfect church by myself? I don't know. I think life is just more about being a good person, not sitting in church all day. Because look at how some of those church people treat me. They treat me like shit. They aren't good people and church isn't doing anything for them. I don't think I'll ever go back. Not really.
People think I'm a bitch because I ignore Kenzie and Sarah. I'm not trying to be, but I refuse to let them tell people I'm pregnant and still be their friend. I'm not that weak. I have more of a backbone. I'd rather love people that love me than tolerate people that are bitches behind my back. One day I hope everything makes sense to us.