I had the absolutely most amazing time in california :) Christmas was perfect and I love my life :)

This is your time, this is your life.

I've never been so excited for christmas before, not since I was just a little girl. This time I'm excited because of all the things I'm giving to people :)) I'm most excited for Brittany and I just hope that she has no idea who it's from :) She just deserves it more than anyone. And I'm pretty excited to give a certain other someone a certain amazing thing. And of course to give ben his 'Asian gifts' present ;) I'm just so so excited for Christmas this year :)) :)) :))

Anyways, well, this was perfectly not needed at all.

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! 

Me and my mom listened to 'Girls just wanna have fun' on our way to the mall today. 
We're SO cliche.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL :)

It's the most wonderful time of the year :)

The randomness of my days.

So me and the boyfriend were listening to pandora when me and Bensons song came on
him: 'did you get butterflies with him? did you want to marry him'
'Yes'
'What if he's better than me? Then you're just wasting your time'
'No I'm not, I still have two years' :)))
Talking about carls junior. 'If you say you want carls junior one more time I'll turn around and we'll get it' (with pure excitement) 'You'll turn around and give it to me????' '....That's what I should be saying to you'
'It erects to a position and comes out' ...I was trying to explain how leg hair grows when it's cold....
We have nothing better to do than watch teen mom two and drive all over utah. But I love him so it all works out.
Calyn on facebook: 'I'll make you be quiet. I'll just put my lips on yours.' Me: 'No no boyfriend wouldn't like that. No he wouldn't.' :)
Two finals down. Got 100 and 96. Suck it.

I hate you, finals. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

My world is changing. I rearranging.

When I pulled blogger up, I had so much to say, but now I have so much to say that I can't say a word.
I just want to be out of school. I hate it so much. When I'm there I feel like I'm just surrounded by junior high kids. I hear Sarah talking about 'Love' she doesn't know what love is. How could she? She knew nothing about her ex boyfriend and every time a guy gets a little close to her, she realizes he has faults, and she's looking for perfection. I know she still believes in soulmates and that's stopping her from finding an amazing guy because she still keeps looking for one that is perfect. She expects to find him and suddenly have the self confidence she's always wanting. She doesn't realize that doesn't happen through loving a boy, it happens through loving herself. Then I'll hear her and Kenzie talking about singles ward and making fun of someone that went. How can you call yourself a Christian when you make fun of someone WHILE YOU ARE AT CHURCH. I thought you went to church to be a better person, not to judge the others there. I just want them to have a reality check that the world isn't about hott boys and cute hairstyles. It's about treating other people well and loving them and yourself for what is already there. I just feel like when I'm around them all I feel is hate. They make me feel like I'm not enough and that I'm less than them. Around two church going christians shouldn't I be feeling the spirit of the lord? Isn't it funny that I get comments from people all the time saying they see the spirit in my eyes? Me the girl that carries a lighter and shows off too much leg. What they're seeing isn't the spirit of the Lord, it's just a girl that's trying to get by in the world in a positive loving manner. I don't think I'll ever really start getting into the whole church thing again. I've had too many people make me doubt things. They always say that the church is perfect, but the people aren't. So why do I have to go to church? Can't I just be at home learning about the perfect church by myself? I don't know. I think life is just more about being a good person, not sitting in church all day. Because look at how some of those church people treat me. They treat me like shit. They aren't good people and church isn't doing anything for them. I don't think I'll ever go back. Not really.
People think I'm a bitch because I ignore Kenzie and Sarah. I'm not trying to be, but I refuse to let them tell people I'm pregnant and still be their friend. I'm not that weak. I have more of a backbone. I'd rather love people that love me than tolerate people that are bitches behind my back. One day I hope everything makes sense to us.

We stumble and disconnect over and over again

When I go to school I feel alone. I feel that as soon as I step into that classroom, I'm not allowed to smile because I know the girls there don't even want me to be happy. Late at night, after I turn off my bedroom light, I hold my puppy really tight and just cry. I let out all the tears that I've held in all day. I know it's strange, but I feel like Tank is the only 'person' I can cry with because he won't look at me and think I'm weak or deserving of my sadness. He just lets me cry. I know Sarah and Mckenzie look down on me and hope for bad things to happen to me. I know they talk badly about me and say things that aren't true. And I know that it shouldn't bother me. But of course it will. Because I thought that they cared about me. I hate work so much, I hate it SO much, but lately I would rather go there than be at school. Because those girls make me feel happy. When I walk in the room the smile and come and hug me. They tell me they're happy that I've come and that they have so much to tell me. They trust me. And when new girls work there and I introduce myself they always say 'Oh you're Adri? Everyone loves you' To those girls I am something special. I'm having a rough time lately. I have so much that I'm grateful for for and so many people that love me, but sometimes I feel like I can't go on. I can't explain it. The highlight of my week is friday night with my best friend and wednesday when I get my letter. Silly things to look forward to, I know, but they get me through. The time between those I just feel sad. I worry about failure, I worry about my family, and I worry about my friends. It's Mike's birthday, but he asked Drake not to celebrate it because it makes things harder.
So here I am on a thursday night, crying because I don't belong anywhere anymore.